Thursday, October 15, 2009

The REAL Weapons of Mass Destruction:

In this day in age we have a lot to worry about it seems. Between ongoing wars, and all the political upheaval in this day and age...there are a lot of distractions...

and that is EXACTLY WHAT THE ENEMY WANTS....for you to be DISTRACTED... why? Because little do we know there is a war being waged in our very own homes against us...and the enemy is crafty beyond measure.

I never would have thought it...they are so cute and sweet and innocent looking. But our kids? THEY ARE THE ENEMY?

Suuuuuure....all the stuff they do often gets dismissed as "kid stuff..." but who do they think they are fooling. We are on to them.

You step on legos in the middle of the night on your way to pee, which sends you careening into the hall table and you break a lamp, where you step on the glass and cut your foot. Coincidence? Ha.

You keep finding plastic bugs in all of your shoes...( cute and funny and creative?!?!) WRONG...the kid's are trying to give you a heart attack.

And lets not forget their GREATEST WEAPON OF ALL...

Biological Warfare

They come home with any number of nasty diseases and infect the whole household...and while they are sick for MAYBE a and your spouse are forced to go to work ill (having used all your sick days on your offspring...the devious little farts) and there you spread the germs to all of your co workers, and your boss, who then bring it BACK to work because they run out of sick days and infect you AGAIN, when you then bring it home to your children who spread it at school because aren't keeping them home again! (Starting to question this H1N1 outbreak now...aren't ya?)

Kids are gross. They KNOW they are supposed to wash their hands, and use a tissue, and cover their mouths when the cough...BUT DO THEY??? DO THEY??? nope. And you can bet they won't either.

I speak from personal experience. In the last MONTH my husband and I have dealt with FOUR trips to the pediatrician. 1 trip to the general practitioner, 1 trip to the ER for me, and yet another trip to my OB since he's the only one who can actually TREAT me right now.

WHY? well let's SEE shall we:

Strep Throat (both kids, then passed on to the husband, and three weeks later I have it.)
The Evil 24 hour stomach virus (carried home from daycare by my 1 year old, who gave it to me, and landed me in the ER.)
The Common Cold (also my one year old, then the older kid, and husband and I have been sick going on three weeks now)
Upper Respiratory infection (again, the one year old, can't blow her there ya go.)
Pink Eye (somehow my husband and I ended up with this but the kids didn't? I blame the nasty kids at the pediatricians office.)

and then to top it all off?

Yesterday BOTH children got sent home from their respective daytime dwellings with 103+ fever...and NO OTHER SYMPTOMS. Both are fever free and fine this morning, all be it NOT allowed back to school until tomorrow...meanwhile my husband and I both woke up with sore throats. Again.

Still think they are sweet and innocent angels? I think NOT.

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