Wednesday, March 30, 2011


So there is this country song called "Mama, BEFORE she was mama..." Basically- the gist is that the kids are digging through an old box of their Mom's momento's and stumble across a bunch of "back in the day pictures..." most notably her in a string bikini smoking pot in a the Bahamas.

Now, I did NOT smoke pot in the Bahamas. (Smoking pot is illegal everywhere but Amsterdam people...don't let the movies fool you. The Jamaican and Bahama authorities take that business SERIOUSLY...)

However, as indicated by the above photo? Mr. AGU and I (then simply future MR. AGU, we were dating) well we had ourselves a TIME.

We enjoyed that champagne SO much? It's what we ended up serving at our wedding- ironically. Though the resort was "all inclusive," their drinks were watered down to the point of pointlessness- so we stuck with champagne.

I don't know why I was thinking of this trip this morning- except that sometimes memories just creep up on you and make ya grin a bit. This was a fun night.

We got ALL dressed up, went to the "fancy" restaurant on the resort...where the food was simply AWFUL... ended up at the Buffet with the rest of the schmoes right before they closed down for the night (though they were kind enough to let us take our bottle of champagne with us from dinner) and stuffed our faces full of the Bahamas version of "American" cuisine (hamburgers and booze) before scampering off to enjoy the Naussa night life.

I think the reason it's sticking with me this morning is that this was the first and LAST trip that my husband and I took together where we got to "party" together. Thanks to that trip we were pretty broke the rest of that summer, got engaged that fall, and I was pregnant and we were married before the anniversary of that trip rolled around the next year!

Our honeymoon, I was pregnant. Though I will say we had a FANTASTIC time, and that the room service folks offering that bomb ass icecream sundae at 11 o'clock at night was just the best thing since cheap champagne and hamburgers...

We've only been away for quick overnight trips other than that. Never away from our kiddos for more than one night- and the only "EPIC" night I could say we've had together was our first unforgettable event consisting of an Astros game, a hella funtrip to Dave and Busters, and a late night trip to Taco Bell... (well- it would have been unforgettable- apparently we both indulged a bit and had some extra beers we may have forgotten about)

It's just funny. It's Wednesday, my husband is POSSIBLY off this weekend (though I doubt it happens)... and we have no plans really. No desire to make any either. I'd rather curl up on the couch with the fam all weekend and veg away to disney movies or some nonsense...

But back before Mama was Mama? haha...well that's a different story. I suppose that BOTH of us back then would have had a baby sitter lined up for Heathen Number 1 the PREVIOUS weekend, plans made by Wednesday for Thursday, Friday, and POSSIBLY Saturday night as well, and a fair portion of the check set aside for a good time.

Things are a bit different now...and as much fun as those good times are? I'm pretty satisfied that they are rare. I suck at drinking now, (3 years with barely a drop due to pregnant or nursing really drains the tolerance) I hate being hung over- and I hate staying sober to deal with a hungover grumpy bear in the mornings while we take care of the heathens lol

In a lot of ways? Getting older is a LOT easier than being young

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tell All Tuesdays... WHY I hate Walmart

I suppose I could say something super political about how big stores like Walmart are ruining small town America, and main street is dying...and go all "South Park" Let's kill the big bad super store thing.

But I don't care THAT much about that. Sure- it's important and we should all shop local. But until I can buy a 30 pack of toilet paper for under ten bucks "locally?" I'm forced by budgetary need to visit this mammoth hell hole about once a month.

No more. No less.

I have several reasons for hating this place- and while I normally go with  lists I think better in prose. So that's what you're getting today.

First- why is it that every single horrible example of humanity is ALWAYS present at Walmart? Seriously? Is it necessary for me to peruse the toothpaste aisle with the most lewd, crude, and rude folks in Christendom? WHYYYYY? It's not like the staff helps that much either- they always seem to have their big baskets of crap they have to put back up blocking the row (now- I know they are doing their jobs, but do they have to block the entire row to do it?) People are so ugly and rude in this place that it should come as NO surprise to folks that one of my "greatest" moments was almost getting kicked out of Walmart last Thanksgiving Eve.

That's right. Ms. Manners. Lil Miss Proper almost got tossed out of the Wally World while buying last minute boxed stuffing.

Me: (bebopping along crowded aisle, patiently humming to myself and mentally going over my list....OOOooo, a break in the crowd!) Excuse me (bright and cheery as I pass by what appears to be a slovenly teenager and her boyfriend....)

THEM: (lil bitch proceeds to run over my ankle and slam her basket into my legs...) "YOU COULD HAVE SAID EXCUSE ME!!!!"

Me: (seriously pissed...remember, I stay pregnant...hormonal rage comes easy to me.) "I did- perhaps you would have heard me if your head wasn't so far up your ass little girl- now why don't you run along..."

THEM: (lots of cussing)

Me: (laughing) wow... you run over ME and YOU'RE pissed?

Walmart Associate: Can I help you ladies?

Me: Only one of us is a lady- that one is a potty mouth brat that needs to get some home training...

Walmart Associate: Miss, can I ask you to move along to another aisle please, you're disturbing the other shoppers. I don't want to have to get a manager...

Me: Whatever darlin...Happy Thanksgiving...

(bebops out of the aisle- proceeds to speed dial bestie and go OMG YOU AREN'T GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME IN THE F-IN WALMART DUDE!)

I hate Walmart. I hate that no one knows how to behave, the staff (which there are never enough of) never seem to know where ANYTHING is, the lines are too long- I swear they charge by the pound for everything ( I go in there and spend 200 bucks for a hand full of am I saving money again?) and the parking lots make me homicidal.

Once a month I buy toilet paper, and paper towels, dish detergent, etc. Because somethings simply are cheaper there than anywhere else. And once  a month I come home grumbling about surrounding myself with idiots for a few hours.