Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tell All Tuesdays... The Housecleaning Edition

As a stay at home "mom/wife/superhuman" my day is filled with lots of EXCITING details. Like folding folks underwear and cleaning my 2 year old's latest "uh oh mommy I peed in my PANties" accident off my floor. (Again.)

You're excited to read this already aren't you. This weeks tell alls? Ms. Allgrowedup's Favorite and LEAST favorite chores.

First, (let's get the negative out the way early shall we?) my LEAST favorite chores:

3) Sweeping. I frickin  HATE sweeping. I do it at least 4 times an hour. I suck at it too. (This according to my husband who despite the fact that I've rarely seen him leave his recliner much less pick up a broom- is actually quite accomplished at most household chores.) My girls seem to leave a trail of crumbs even HOURS after they've finished eating. (Think Hansel and Gretal, and follow the cracker crumbs and you'll find my Mighty Midget...) I'm seriously considering attaching a Dustbuster to both of their butts. Just to see what happens. (sarcasm- in case the "ignorant" missed it. I'm not actually going to attach hand held appliances to my children's asses in an effort to clean my floors.)

2) Putting away the laundry. I'll wash it. I'll dry it. I'll fold it. But man do I HATE having to put it away. For some reason there never seems to be enough room in anyone's drawer for ANYTHING. Despite many efforts at organization ( and different folding methods to make room when purging failed...) It just makes me cranky.

1) Scrubbing the tub. Specifically OUR tub. For some reason it has lost it's glaze (happened years before we lived here apparently) and therefore catches dirt like CRAZY. Though I doubt my scrubbing the heck out of it once a week with comet helps. (Nothing cleans a tub like comet. I don't care WHO ya are.) But it makes me smell like bleach, leaves my knuckles sore, and makes my ole' arthritic knees hurt. Humbug on tub scrubbing!

Now, on to the FAVES....keep in mind? These aren't necessarily things I LIKE doing, they just don't suck as bad as the others, and in some cases are therapeutic!

3) Dusting. Despite a raging dust allergy (it's bad) I don't mind dusting. I like being able to see the physical results of my work, and Murphey's Oil Soap and Pledge make the house smell nice. I just have to remember to wear a mask.

2) Mopping and Vacuuming. Again, I like to see the fruits of my labors. It is somewhat therapeutic to be able to see a spot disappear off the floor. And again? Makes the house smell nice. I like things that make my house smell nice. Hehe.

1) Folding towels. I think it's the repetitive motion maybe? Each item the same- and it smells good. (Come on, fresh towels, right out of the dryer, smelling of dryer sheet yumminess...ya seeing the theme here?)

Misc. Chores that I HAVE to do are as follows:

Dish washing (ugh. at least 3 times a day. Thanks to the transference of paternal OCD it literally pains me to know there are dishes in my sink. If I get sleepy and leave them overnight I toss and turn all night...which would explain the REAL reason I don't sleep much when I bring a new baby home...I'm tossing and turning thinking about those dishes piling up.)

Laundry in general. Ugh. I do it. It gets done. It's cool. Time consuming. But I'm on a schedule and it keeps me from getting overwhelmed.

Things that I NEVER do that honestly NEED to be done but I'm just like "eh, I'll add it to the spring cleaning list)

Cleaning my oven. To HELL with that shit. I'm just sayin. I did it once. Two years ago. FOUR HOURS and having to evacuate my family from the damn smell and the thing STILL wasn't clean? Screw it. It's inspired me to get a self cleaning oven. I'm planning on hiring someone to do it before we throw the house on the market. I will NEVER do it again.

Cleaning my microwave. This gets done as needed but still not as often as it should. I just resent being the only one to bother when I'm not the one that blows burritos and such up in the microwave.

Filing. Oh good lord the paper mess. I know I KNOW I keep saying I'll get to it but man... that's an undertaking that is gonna require a kid free, man free weekend and some booze. It's gonna have to wait until new baby is here. That is FOR SURE.

And that's all for this weeks Tell Alls.

Aren't you proud of me? TWO WEEKS IN A ROW...WOOHOO!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Do You Know How Much He Loves Me?

It's Valentines Day. My husband usually gets me something small, we aren't "real big" into the holiday. I almost always get a card that makes me cry- he's good at cards.

This year he outdid himself. I laughed, I cried, I punched him in the arm- and then I planted a big ole' sugar on him.

It went a lil something like this:

To the love of my life and the wonderful mother of my children,

I love you more than Deer Hunting.
You are sexier to me than a brand new F-250.
I enjoy holding you more than *Lucille.
I need you more than Overtime.

Your husband

(*sidenote- that's his gun :-D)

I adore that man Damnit.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tell All Tuesdays...

Are back. At least this week... until I forget again. Whatever.

This week? TOP 5 Kid's ShowsI don't particularly care for. (Enthralling. I know)

Part of Being Grown means WITH kids, ironically, watching kid's shows. All.the.TIME. When you're grown without kids you escape this narrowly- though I'm willing to bet you find your television on Cartoon Network for Adult Swim at night. And NO, those don't count as kid shows.

I've sat through all of these, everyday, some for the last 4 years. Others for the last 1.5 years since my oldest daughter discovered she likes animated people. Woo.frickin.HOO.

5) Ni Hoa Kai-lan. AKA - Chinese Dora the Explorer, but not as cute. Not as entertaining, and about as annoying as her Lil pigtailed self can possibly get. She repeats. EVERYTHING she says, at LEAST six times. I'm aware that repetition is a fine teacher...but when your 2 year old is asking you "mommy, why Kailan keep saying that?" Maaaaaaaaaaay be a bit much. That child drives me nuts. Luckily for me, my kids don't care for her show either, and it's been relegated to THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON status.

4) Sponge Bob Square Pants. Ew. Need I say more? He's gross. Patrick is gross. Squidward is a whiner and Mr. Crabs is weirdly obsessed with his whale daughter. None of them are funny and they all gross me out a good bit. The only part I really enjoy at all is the theme song. It's catchy. (Admit it....you're humming about pineapples under the sea...right...NOW)

3) Go! Diego GO!- I actually really don't have that much of an issue with Diego except that he irritates Lil Bit because he isn't Dora. And let's face it...not many folks are as cool as Dora to a 2 year old girl. She gets all excited when she sees him because she mistakenly thinks it's Dora coming on, then I have to listen to 15 minutes of WHINING about "mommy....WHERE is DORA? And BOOTS? and SWIPER?" waaaaaaaaaaaah. You won't see Dora on my list. Or Elmo/Sesame Street. As much as those two creepy works of fiction get on my nerves? They've bought a whole lot of quiet in this house. You won't catch me biting the hand that feeds me. ;-) Literally. Sometimes it's the only time I get to have a warm meal.

2)  The Fresh Beat Band. Shoot. Me. NOW. They play the same 5 episodes over and over again, my kid is OBSESSED with their songs (which incidentally, all suck and hardly qualify as music) and they are peppy. I sincerely hope none of those "kids" (they all appear to be close to my age- playing high school kids) wants an acting career outside of children's television one day...they show a reel from this show and they are likely to get laughed out of the room.

And the one that takes the CAKE?

1) Max & Ruby.

Thank GOD my Lil Bit isn't a huge fan. It's also "There is nothing else ON" status... That bossy little bitchy bunny seriously pisses me off. If I were Max I'd have to throw something hard at her...often. And where the HELL are the parent bunnies? Are these kids raising themselves? Gramma lives down the street for the love of Pete?! I see NO educational value in this show, it's NOT entertaining, and the absolute only likable character is Max- and that's because he rarely if ever speaks.

Here are some shows I will watch with my kids because they are quality entertainment, have a variety of episodes available (so you don't get stuck watching the same five) and my kids actually LEARN things from them.

Phineas & Ferb- loveloveLOVE Phineas & Ferb. My whole family does. Daddy down to Mighty Midget we actually watch this one TOGETHER.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse- come ON....it's Mickey. Can't go wrong with Mickey.

YoGabbaGabba- Lil bit likes the music, enjoys and LEARNS from the lessons, and I get a kick out of seeing Biz Markie on TV again. What's not to like? It's like a really funky acid trip without the illicit drugs!

That's all for tell all Tuesdays! Ciao'!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Grown Women have Grown Ass Manners

My husband jokes that I'm old fashioned. It may very well be true. I'm hardly a prude (by any stretch of the imagination- once you get to know me well enough I have a fairly well versed set of dirty jokes, most of which I probably stole from my big sister ;-) but I have some standards for what I consider "grown" behavior... Keeping up to my OWN standards keeps me pretty busy- but I fully believe it makes me a better person and is helping me set a good example for my kids.

Grown Womanism Number ONE:

I put my cart away at the store. Nothing irritates the SHIZ out of me more than lazy people leaving their carts in the parking lot. And NO "I have my kids with me!" Is NOT a justifiable excuse. Cars are an expensive investment. I RESPECT that investment- so I unload my groceries, push my cart to the cart corral, and field trip the heathens back to the car. WHY? Because it's the right thing to do. It's good manners. Nothing sucks worse than running to the store for some basics and coming out to whiskey dings in your car courtesy of the carts people are too lazy to put up. I've lectured on this AT LENGTH to people. Do it. See if it doesn't put a smile on your face. Because the folks like ME that no matter how nice we are always end up with the carts in our doors? We deserve better.

Grown Womanism Number TWO:

Offer to help people in small ways. Open the door for the old lady coming up the walk behind you, Offer to help your neighbor get their trash to and from the curb if they are struggling. Pay it forward. It's nice, and nearly always results in good Karma.


Please. Thank you. You're Welcome...and for Pete's SAKE, say "Bless you"...when someone sneezes. It drives me bat crap crazy that because some people don't believe in putting "GOD" in anything anymore they refuse to say "Bless you..." You don't have to put the "God" in it if that isn't your thing- but at least acknowledge the person is feeling poorly and hope for them to feel better. My two year old may not know much but she has PRETTY manners. She says "PLEASE mommy get out of my way..." and "THANK YOU mommy for doing that...." and "You're WELCOME mommy-" when I sarcastically thank her for coloring on the living room floor- again. Manners are important. Teach them to your kids too.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


YES!  I know I'm lame- but * busy life aside I've also had a bit of writer's block!

(*sidenote* I do have a life outside my computer- strange as that may seem to those who swear I spend it on FB-  my computer came equipped with this really cool feature called a "MINIMIZE" button...I log in and then "MINIMIZE" the screen when I'm away from the computer, which is quite often. I'm just lazy and don't like to log in when I get five minutes- so NO, I'm not sitting in front of the screen all day waiting on your every update and commentary about the snow, I'm probably playing with my kids and just didn't log out... Look at the top right hand part of YOUR screen- I bet you have one of these handy buttons too- you know which one it is, you hit it everytime your boss bebops in the office so he doesn't know your playing Zynga's latest fad game on FB *end sidenote*)

Wow- what a digression THAT was. Where was I? Oh yes, writer's block.

I consulted several friends and I'm still trying to find my blog's "direction" if you will. I have lots of different theories I'm kicking around, all centered around what it REALLY takes to be a grown woman in today's society- however I have a few parameters that I'm trying to stick to that are making this a WEE bit tricky.

Parameter A) Thanks to those lovely busy bodies who seemed to want to take my wit out of context and be all "dramatic" about things? My kids are for the MOST part, completely off limits. So that leaves whining about their every cute screw up out. That sucks- because they are THE biggest part of my life and I find some of their goings-on absolutely hysterical, however I don't feel like having CPS called on me for admitting that my 2 year old got into my mascara again and gave herself a black eye- and that hubster and I both pointed and laughed after determining no damage done because, WELL hell, maybe she'll learn to leave mommy's stuff alone finally.... (whoops- maybe shouldn't have told you that?)

Parameter B) Politics and religion are OUT. This is a FUN blog dangit. And I consider it friendly turf. I don't discuss these topics with friends. Most people don't like my opinions on ANYTHING because I'm pretty set in my ways and won't be swayed. I'm nearing 30. You aren't going to change my mind and I wouldn't DREAM of changing yours. Educational debates and discussions ARE indeed impossible when people's passions get brought up, so I choose to be Switzerland when it comes to sharing my political and religious views.

Parameter C) Don't really care to talk about things that are "trashy"...for instance- I'm not really big on discussing the latest trends in porn- or whatever. Not my bag baby. This IS the internet and for reasons of watching my TONE  and the fact that one of my kids can read already? Nah...not so much.

So I'm going to ask YA'LL, what would YOU, my loyal followers (all 6 of you- heart you bitches) want to read about from me? Like I said I've got a few ideas kicking around and a few drafts ready to go but I'm debating on WHICH direction I want to take the blog in before I post anything.

Hit me up. Lemme know.