Facing the Truth

At some point in every married woman's life you get told something by your spouse that- if you're like me? Makes your jaw drop and your internal spiteful bitch go...


"wow- you are so never getting laid, in this lifetime...ever again..."


And ironically it is in (MOST) couples, the exact same phrase across the board.... (wait for it)


"You've turned into your mother...."


(resounding echo for emphasis in that deep booming slow motion Hollywood voice that kinda grabs your attention...)


NOW...in some couples...I'm sure that may actually be a compliment. But in MY case I can assure you that while my husband and my mother NOW get along, there was a time when they decidedly did NOT- and it is THAT period of time to which my husband is referring. In short-


It ain't a compliment.


My mama is a lovely woman. Hard working...INCREDIBLY brilliant (no really- ask anyone- she's like- hella smart.) and dotes on her grandchildren. She's busted her ass her entire life to make a way for her children and I can't pay her ANY higher compliment than that since I know NOW- what exactly busting your ass for your family entails. She's tenacious, and she's tough.



THAT said.


She's a worry wart. Kinda to the point where it's beyond all sense and she worries about the most ridiculous things in the world that NO ONE else worries about.

(No shit, she would not visit California for years because she was convinced it was going to fall into the ocean. She is that scared of Earthquakes.)

My kids, my sister's kid...her kids that are in her class...hell...YOUR kids she doesn't even KNOW yet?

She worries about them. All the time. I assure you- she loses sleep over what YOUR children, who she does not KNOW are doing.



So the discussion came up the other day with my husband (and for the record- no I'm still not convinced he is going to get laid in 2011 since he decided to start the New Year this way.)

Freedom for the 9 year old on his bike... in our neighborhood.


I had worked up what I thought was a fair AND freedom giving check in schedule... I wanted to PHYSICALLY see him at least twice a  day (say a Saturday) and he was to check in once an hour by telephone from whatever buddies house he was at.

My theory was this. I don't know all of his buddies parents yet, I only have a VAGUE idea of where some of them live. I couldn't even tell you what TWO of them look like, and I know for a fact ONE of them is a KNOWN trouble maker.


I wanna know where my kid is, who he is with, and what the heck they are up to.

But I'm not lame...so I settle for "where are ya, and are their parents home? I wanna see you IN my house at 12:30 on the dot, k?"


I didn't and don't consider this overkill. I consider this being a parent. And in all honesty? This is LENIENT by my standards. If it were up to me he wouldn't be going to some of his buddies houses by bike because I consider them too far away. (sheepish grin for sure...I may be a leeeeetle bit like my mama- I just hide it really well)

(and this next line of thought is what got me told that notorious phrase...)

These kids parents could be fuckin serial killers or pedophiles for all I know. On TOP of which, he has been having some issues with his bike lately (the chain broke and now he's thrown the bearings) so he's riding an OLD bike of his that isn't in the best shape until I can get him some new bearings. It's not the SAFEST for him. I wanna make sure he gets to his destinations okay.

And then...I got told that- well...you know... phrase.


And told that I'm a worry wart. Just like my mama...because who the hell just "assumes" that people are pedophiles and serial killers...(for the record I didn't say they WERE- I said they COULD be...he was putting words in my mouth dangit...) and that I was "determined to get his ass kicked" by making him look like a "mama's boy" who has to check in every hour like some "sissy baby..."


The fight continued from there.

I conceded that I may be OVER worrying about him. He is a big boy. Capable of handling himself.

I've ammended my check in policy SLIGHTLY. (He checks in ever two and a half hours in PERSON and calls me if he is changing locations so that I know he's arriving at his friends houses safely.)

However I still resent the implication that I'm as BIG a worry wart as my mama because unlike my husband I realize this isn't 1986 anymore and you can't just RIDE your bike to park without barely a wave to your mama and stay gone until dinner.

Kids get nabbed everyday. People run stop signs in our neighborhood EVERYDAY...and y'all know 9 year old little boys aren't the BEST about looking both ways at intersections.


I'll own up to worrying a lot, like my mother, because that's what a mama DOES. It's ingrained in our nature to worry.

(and had he not meant it as the gravest insult he could muster at the time? I MIGHT have even said thank you- but as it stands he is still totally not getting laid in the near future...)