Forgiveness is Good...

But it's that whole "forgetting" part I have always had a problem with.

I have the WIERDEST temper. I'm over things THATFAST. Even big stuff. I get ticked- have my flash in the pan moment of petulance, and then POOF...I'm done. I'm spent. I just don't like being ANGRY. It makes me sad eventually, and who wants to be sad all the time?

That said- I tend to have a memory like an elephant. I don't "forget" as easily as I suppose I forgive. ("Fool me once...shame on you...etc")

That can make complete forgiveness very hard for me. I will forgive folks- then sit around waiting for them to screw up again.

I'm working on that. It's not a very pleasant way to live- going around second guessing folks all the time- waiting for freshly given trust and respect to be breached. It's made me a cautious person, which isn't necessarily a bad thing- but it's turned me into an overly skeptical person.


I try REALLY hard to believe there is good in everyone. Some people just consistently show their bad side so often it makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to overlook their bad qualities and give them my trust and respect again. Ironically I consider this MY problem, not really "theirs"...it's my falling short as a person (in my mind) that makes it hard for me to forget- (though they really should quit being jerks, let's face it, I can't take all the blame when people consistently screw up, refuse to acknowledge their own shortcomings, and then move forward...)

I know that in order to truly lead a HAPPY and fulfilled life we have to let go of when people do us wrong (or pray for them- which  I find myself doing for people who have wronged me quite often lately. Just so you don't think I'm uppity I also pray a lot for myself, in the hopes that I'm granted the ability to "get over it...")


BUT my question to you (and I think this is something everyone should ask themselves) how do you handle your anger towards others, no matter how justified? How do you forgive AND forget? Do you force the issue, pray through it? Or like me do you find yourself "forgiving," but not really because you simply can't find it in yourself to move past the PAST and try and rebuild relationships?

What works for you?

Tone

TONE:

–noun

1. any sound considered with reference to its quality, pitch, strength, source, etc.: shrill tones.
2. quality or character of sound.
3. vocal sound; the sound made by vibrating muscular bands in the larynx.
4. a particular quality, way of sounding, modulation, or intonation of the voice as expressive of some meaning, feeling, spirit, etc.: a tone of command.
5. an accent peculiar to a person, people, locality, etc., or a characteristic mode of sounding words in speech.
6. stress of voice on a syllable of a word.
7. Linguistics . a musical pitch or movement in pitch serving to distinguish two words otherwise composed of the same sounds, as in Chinese.
8. Music .
a. a musical sound of definite pitch, consisting of several relatively simple constituents called partial tones, the lowest of which is called the fundamental tone and the others harmonics or overtones.
b. an interval equivalent to two semitones; a whole tone; a whole step.
c. any of the nine melodies or tunes to which Gregorian plainsong psalms are sung.
9. a quality of color with reference to the degree of absorption or reflection of light; a tint or shade; value.
10. that distinctive quality by which colors differ from one another in addition to their differences indicated by chroma, tint, shade; a slight modification of a given color; hue: green with a yellowish tone.
11. Art . the prevailing effect of harmony of color and values.
12. Physiology .
a. the normal state of tension or responsiveness of the organs or tissues of the body.
b. that state of the body or of an organ in which all its functions are performed with healthy vigor.
c. normal sensitivity to stimulation.
13. a normal healthy mental condition.
14. a particular mental state or disposition; spirit, character, or tenor.
15. a particular style or manner, as of writing or speech; mood: the macabre tone of Poe's stories.
16. prevailing character or style, as of manners, morals, or philosophical outlook: the liberal tone of the 1960's.
17. style, distinction, or elegance.
–verb (used with object)
18. to sound with a particular tone.
19. to give the proper tone to (a musical instrument).
20. to modify the tone or general coloring of.
21. to give the desired tone to (a painting, drawing, etc.).
22. Photography . to change the color of (a print), esp. by chemical means.
23. to render as specified in tone or coloring.
24. to modify the tone or character of.
25. to give or restore physical or mental tone to.
–verb (used without object)
26. to take on a particular tone; assume color or tint.
Origin:


1275–1325; ME (n.) < L tonus < Gk tónos strain, tone, mode, lit., a stretching, akin to teínein to stretch


—Synonyms
1. See sound1 . 15. spirit, quality, temper.

(The above was provided courtesy of http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tone)



I'm amazed that a mono-syllabic, four letter word can have such a lengthy definition.


I've been doing a lot of thinking about "tone" lately. The tone of my voice. The tone of my life...the tone of certain conversations- the tone of this blog...etc.

Once again I'm learning that no matter how old you get- you have to "watch your tone..."


In music- you have to watch your tone otherwise Randy on American Idol tells you you're "pitchy," Paula tells you that you "just aren't right for THIS show..." and Simon tells you that you are the worst thing he's ever heard. (I'm referring to when AI was worth watching- I refuse to watch anything with Stephen Tyler on it.) Tone is important in music.

In conversations- particularly unpleasant ones- you have to watch your tone because if you don't you run the chance of people not at all hearing what you are SAYING- but only hearing the tenure of what you are saying- and that can lead to misinterpretations. For instance you could be simply expressing that you'd like a raise, or more vacation time- and all your boss is hearing is "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah--- bitch bitch moan moan..." or even "is this guy gonna go postal on me?!?" Tone is important in verbal conversation.

Tone is particularly important when speaking to your kids. I- as I assume most mothers are- am very guilty of losing my temper and while I may be SAYING "PLEASE"...my tone implies "do this or die..." and all the child hears is "wow mama is mad..." (insert water works and complete and total lack of cooperation HERE...)

I've also learned that in THIS day and age- the most important place where tone is important is the place where it's near completely impossible to monitor.

The Internet.


Now- I've been TOLD by many that I write well. (I will thank those who think so for the compliment- though I'm sure I'm a grammatical nightmare now that I don't have a professor or my mother standing over me with the RED PEN OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!)

That said, I apparently don't write nearly well enough to display the appropriate tone of certain things.

A truly GIFTED writer can get a certain aura going in a body of work that captivates readers and has them going "AH HA! I get IT!"

Given that- everyone can read the same book or piece of work- and still come away with a different opinion of the author's TONE.

Where some people find my posts here, on Facebook, and even on the parenting forums I have been known to frequent amusing and entertaining (the spirit in which they are intended) others take away other thoughts.


Some people have even implied that I clearly hate being a mother and don't deserve my children.


When these things were first brought to my attention I was a bit hurt- a lot appalled- and felt an unreasonable sense of GUILT at that assumption. I went back through every blog post- every Facebook status, everything I have put on for "public" display in the last YEAR...searching for these offenses against my babies...


And came back empty handed. BUT, that is because I KNOW my implied tone. I know what I was feeling and thinking and, yes in some cases VENTING when I wrote everything.

My father and mother are both of the opinion that I should delete this blog and my Facebook entirely. I've politely declined. My husband would PREFER I did- but understands and respects my reasons for keeping it.

Perception IS everything, I will agree with my father on that. It doesn't matter how many ways I say and SHOW my love for my kids- All it takes is ONE person reading ONE thing in a manner other than it was intended, and damage can be done.

However I did a poll- and for every one person that got it wrong? There were at least 10-15 people that not only got it RIGHT, but loved it.

Perception is indeed everything. I now clearly perceive who my true friends and family are that can be counted on. Who know me. Who can SEE what I mean in just a few words and HEAR my voice through the written word on a screen.

Will I watch my tone a bit more carefully? To be sure...but I will not cater to the perceptions of the stupid. I might offer an explanation to the ignorant occasionally.

But stupid folks? Well...as the old saying goes?

Ya' can't fix stupid...


(for the ignorant? That's called SARCASM.)

Parenting Gadgets are just OODLES of fun...

AND. They take up OODLES of space. I'm going through the girls things over the course of this weekend. We are preparing for a *possible* move at the end of this school year (assuming someone buys our house) and I'm decluttering everything from clothes to kitchen gadgets over the course of the next few months.


As I'm going through this amazing amount of CRAP that my girls seem to have accumulated (clothes, toys, useless contraptions I'm not sure why we OWN...) I have mentally made a list of things I wish I'd known were useless before my first daughters birth. (and things I wished I'd had the common sense to purchase myself)

(note: not listed in any particular order- just the order I found them in today)

NUMBER THREE

THE WIPE WARMER...

For the record, I registered for this because it came highly recommended from several moms, my sister included. (I couldn't find a pic of the EXACT model, but ya get the idea) I used it for all of three weeks- until I kept wondering why it was draining water faster than I could pour it in and turning my baby wipes brown while drying them out. It's a fire hazard, a pain in the butt- and your kid does not in the LEAST care that the baby wipes are warm. (At least Lil Bit didn't, and so far Tid Bit hasn't complained so I doubt that Bitty Bit is going to give a crap either.)

It's currently collecting dust in the closet.

NUMBER TWO

THE DIAPER CHAMP

Again, used for roughly 3 weeks with my first born and currently collecting dust (though in the corner of the room.) If the smell doesn't kill you (because lets face it...throwing all your shitty and pee diapers in ONE PLACE and leaving them there for a day or so is a GOOD way to offend your olfactory senses) the effort of dragging a heavy nasty bag out of what is essentially a very skinny trash can will. I HATE this thing. I thought it was "soooo cool" when I first got it...but after almost vomitting in my mouth on more than one occassion entering my daughters room? No more. I was having to empty that bag every few hours, and lets face it, my trash can in the kitchen goes out once a day so what was the point? I HEAR the Diaper GENIE is much cooler and blocks the smell. I can't attest to that one way or the other but I just as soon not bother wasting the money to be honest with ya.

NUMBER ONE

THE EXERSAUCER

I have a love/hate relationship with this one. Yes the kids use it and YES, they absolutely love it- but it's HUGE, it doesn't fold up nearly as easy as the directions indicate it should, and even when you DO fold it up, it's STILL HUGE. They start using it anywhere between 5 and 6 months of age and if they are anything like my girls are bored with it mentally by 8-9 months because it coops them up...It's just...BIG.


Then there are the things I wished I'd had the common sense or knowledge to purchase before the girls came along...(and no, I don't currently own any of them...just wish I did)

NUMBER THREE

THE MAGIC ERASER

I have actually owned these in the past and just happen to be out at the moment...but my GOODNESS...what a lovely invention! Crayon on your refrigerator...get out the magic eraser...Permanent Marker on your front door (Thanks Lil Bit) ...get out the magic eraser... Mystery substance on your floor that just won't come off even with goo gone? MAGIC ERASER...Mary Poppins had this shit in her bag. I guarantee you. It's why she was so happy all the time. She had Mr. Clean in a sponge. (Note to self: Add to shopping list...)

NUMBER TWO

THE ROOMBA

I want one of these so badly I could cry. I especially want to know if I could train it to follow the heathens around all day-just in case. (Hey Roomba folks...add a "heathen follow" option-you'll make a bajillion dollars off parents with toddlers.) I sweep at least 5 times a day and the floors are still never quite clean it seems, I can only imagine the stress this would take out of my life. I get kinda happy just thinkin about it actually... (runs off to daydream about a broom free roomba life...)

NUMBER ONE

 

THE GYRO BOWL



My son pointed this gem out to me in a commercial this morning and I.want.it. BADLY. A mom invented this one, you can be sure. A bowl a child cannot possibly spill the contents of and tough enough to take a toss across a room during a full blown heathen tantrum? Omigosh...awesomeness personified in a bowl I tell ya. I'm hoping I can find them locally in the "as seen on tv" sections of Walgreens or BB & B, because that has GOT to be the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life, and definately something I would get use of in THIS house.

Facing the Truth

At some point in every married woman's life you get told something by your spouse that- if you're like me? Makes your jaw drop and your internal spiteful bitch go...


"wow- you are so never getting laid, in this lifetime...ever again..."


And ironically it is in (MOST) couples, the exact same phrase across the board.... (wait for it)


"You've turned into your mother...."


(resounding echo for emphasis in that deep booming slow motion Hollywood voice that kinda grabs your attention...)


NOW...in some couples...I'm sure that may actually be a compliment. But in MY case I can assure you that while my husband and my mother NOW get along, there was a time when they decidedly did NOT- and it is THAT period of time to which my husband is referring. In short-


It ain't a compliment.


My mama is a lovely woman. Hard working...INCREDIBLY brilliant (no really- ask anyone- she's like- hella smart.) and dotes on her grandchildren. She's busted her ass her entire life to make a way for her children and I can't pay her ANY higher compliment than that since I know NOW- what exactly busting your ass for your family entails. She's tenacious, and she's tough.



THAT said.


She's a worry wart. Kinda to the point where it's beyond all sense and she worries about the most ridiculous things in the world that NO ONE else worries about.

(No shit, she would not visit California for years because she was convinced it was going to fall into the ocean. She is that scared of Earthquakes.)

My kids, my sister's kid...her kids that are in her class...hell...YOUR kids she doesn't even KNOW yet?

She worries about them. All the time. I assure you- she loses sleep over what YOUR children, who she does not KNOW are doing.



So the discussion came up the other day with my husband (and for the record- no I'm still not convinced he is going to get laid in 2011 since he decided to start the New Year this way.)

Freedom for the 9 year old on his bike... in our neighborhood.


I had worked up what I thought was a fair AND freedom giving check in schedule... I wanted to PHYSICALLY see him at least twice a  day (say a Saturday) and he was to check in once an hour by telephone from whatever buddies house he was at.

My theory was this. I don't know all of his buddies parents yet, I only have a VAGUE idea of where some of them live. I couldn't even tell you what TWO of them look like, and I know for a fact ONE of them is a KNOWN trouble maker.


I wanna know where my kid is, who he is with, and what the heck they are up to.

But I'm not lame...so I settle for "where are ya, and are their parents home? I wanna see you IN my house at 12:30 on the dot, k?"


I didn't and don't consider this overkill. I consider this being a parent. And in all honesty? This is LENIENT by my standards. If it were up to me he wouldn't be going to some of his buddies houses by bike because I consider them too far away. (sheepish grin for sure...I may be a leeeeetle bit like my mama- I just hide it really well)

(and this next line of thought is what got me told that notorious phrase...)

These kids parents could be fuckin serial killers or pedophiles for all I know. On TOP of which, he has been having some issues with his bike lately (the chain broke and now he's thrown the bearings) so he's riding an OLD bike of his that isn't in the best shape until I can get him some new bearings. It's not the SAFEST for him. I wanna make sure he gets to his destinations okay.

And then...I got told that- well...you know... phrase.


And told that I'm a worry wart. Just like my mama...because who the hell just "assumes" that people are pedophiles and serial killers...(for the record I didn't say they WERE- I said they COULD be...he was putting words in my mouth dangit...) and that I was "determined to get his ass kicked" by making him look like a "mama's boy" who has to check in every hour like some "sissy baby..."


The fight continued from there.

I conceded that I may be OVER worrying about him. He is a big boy. Capable of handling himself.

I've ammended my check in policy SLIGHTLY. (He checks in ever two and a half hours in PERSON and calls me if he is changing locations so that I know he's arriving at his friends houses safely.)

However I still resent the implication that I'm as BIG a worry wart as my mama because unlike my husband I realize this isn't 1986 anymore and you can't just RIDE your bike to park without barely a wave to your mama and stay gone until dinner.

Kids get nabbed everyday. People run stop signs in our neighborhood EVERYDAY...and y'all know 9 year old little boys aren't the BEST about looking both ways at intersections.


I'll own up to worrying a lot, like my mother, because that's what a mama DOES. It's ingrained in our nature to worry.

(and had he not meant it as the gravest insult he could muster at the time? I MIGHT have even said thank you- but as it stands he is still totally not getting laid in the near future...)

New Year...No Resolutions

I've done all the major New Years Resolutions...I WILL lose 20 pounds (after I stuff my face, thighs, and ass with cornbread New Years Day) I WILL quit smoking- after smoking roughly three packs on NYE alone and getting shit tanked... ( I made this resolution about ten years running...until I actually got knocked up with Lil Bit and managed to quit.) I WILL:

quit swearing (hahahahaha)
go to church more often (still working on this one but making good strides there...)
yell less (if people quit screwing up >:()
drink less coffee (psh- wth was I thinking???)
call my mama once a week (I called her twice this weekend...so there...)


I've done it all.

Resolutions are inevitably pointless. That is making a helluva commitment to yourself and everyone else and using the excuse of a "NEW YEAR, NEW ME" to do it.

I'm all for fresh starts. I personally LOVE fresh starts and new beginnings. New Years are GREAT...

Except that let's be REAL- they are usually just like the year before them unless you have a serious "LIFE CHANGING EVENT" that moves your ass into action...a wedding, a birth, a death, and illness...something that challenges your humanity and prompts you to go "Ya know, I'm not gonna do that anymore..." OR "I'm gonna try it this way this time..."

Humans are notorious for being insane...that is trying the same things over and over again and expecting different results. It's cool. It gives us character and seperates us from the apes after all.

However- I got tired of Resolutions years ago...though I doggedly still made them in the hopes that I would "learn from my mistakes..." or make an effort to take better care of myself- if not for me? Then for my kids right?

But this year isn't about ME. We have LOTS of life changing major events coming up in 2011 that we were hoping to hold off on for a few years, but Life happens and there is simply no stopping it.

Literally, life happens. I'm pregnant again. :-) Roughly 13 weeks along this week- which puts new baby here around July.

To say this was surprising to me and Mr. AGU is indeed an understatement- but as with everything we have encountered in our four years together? We roll with it.

We are very good at having major changes land in our lap...assessing the situation- and rolling with it.

Can we change it? Nope- nor would we if we could.

Can we cowgirl/cowboy up, and handle it? Absolutely.

No amount of resolution making, wishful thinking, or sleepless nights are going to make the next year any easier.

Only thing that can change things is us- with a lot of prayer and even more hard work.

So I'm not making any resolutions this year...just a few commitments to myself to try and maintain my sanity- and raise healthy kiddos without sending THEM to the loony bin too.

We are going to wave goodbye to the shit storm that was 2010 and embrace 2011 the same way we do everything else.


Bring it on.