Regarding crappy movies...

My husband has made me sit through over the last four years of coupledom...I found the 3 reasons he isn't allowed to pick the movies we watch while moving the DVD racks to make room for the Christmas tree today. (Decorating my house for Christmas takes a small militia...mainly ME, moving the entire living room around JUSTSO to make sure that you can still see the TV and get a nice view of the presents at the same time. It's an art form.)


Anyway. I'm a freak of nature and alphabetize our movies (OCD much?) and had to stare at these 3 atrocities to film several times while putting them in their appropriate places on the shelves across the room from their normal location. (I should say I had to RE-alphabetize everything, have 3 children running helter skelter through my living room daily means that the majority of them get pulled off the shelves at least a million times a day and shoved back willy nilly- I lose sleep over this. Seriously.)


Here are the reasons I've revoked Mr. AGU's movie choosing rights, what's sad is #3 and #2 are actually in his top 5 favorite movies of all time list (po po Mr. AGU...)


3) The Warriors...

For those of you who haven't been "blessed" enough to see this piece of crap? It's like West Side Story meets The Chronicles of Narnia  meets Adventures in Babysitting- but subtract any actual talent, a decent and followable plot, and the music sucks ass. The premise is a big gang war is happening these "Warriors" have been framed for killing some head honcho guy at some big gang meeting and have to fight their way home across the city. It's lame. Beyond lame actually. I compare it Adventures in Babysitting because of the gang fight on the Subway- with the exception that those guys were actually worth watching. I just kept dozing off and hoping some of these losers would die. Apparently it's based on a video game. Which we also own. That should tell you everything you need to know about this piece of crap.

2) Bloodsport

Someone told Jean Claude he could act. Oye to tha fricken VEY. I've had to sit through this horrible thing more times than I care to count because I'm a good wife like that but it is seriously bad enough to make ones eyes bleed. I'm all for a good action kung fu movie, as long as it doesn't have crappy acting in it. Unfortunately Jean Claude has never done anything that could be considering GOOD acting so this one was doomed from the start.

1) Shoot Em Up

"It looked so cool in the previews..." that was his excuse. Maybe it did. I dunno. All I know is there is a reason it was in the "5 for 5 dollars!" bin at the Blockbuster that day, and that's because it sucks so horribly I can't even explain it to you properly. All I will say is there is a prostitute that gets put in charge of caring for an orphaned infant because she's a fetish hooker and does the whole "mommy thing" and has excess booby milk or something- there are people climaxing during sex while "shooting em up" because ya know, that's practical...and the antagonist (if memory serves, I really try and forget this movie) is some guy who doesn't want to die so he's having a bunch of women have his babies and jacking the kids healthy organs after he impregnates these random women so he can live. It's ludicrous...




There ya go. The reasons he isn't allowed to so much as go to the Redbox without specific instructions. If you haven't seen any of these- count yourselves among the lucky. Seriously? Go smoke a bowl, you'll lose less braincells than watching "Shoot Em Up"....