HOW did she do that? And why didn't I ask her when she was still here?

That's my Granny. And she was one in a million.

I'm sitting here in my pit of a house this morning...surrounded by screaming children currently pouring their morning snack all over my living room floor- staring at the 16 or so (wish I was exaggerating) loads of laundry that HAVE to get done in the next 24 hours. And missing my Grandmother beyond belief.

Granny had 9 stair step children, lived on a fairly limited income (they weren't even close to rich, I'll put it that way.) and somehow managed to not go completely insane. By the time I was old enough to appreciate her, she'd survived a few heart attacks, a few wars (in which four of her boys served and came home), the death of her husband and 2 children-even the deaths of a few grandchildren and great grands...and was still optimistic and happy and just an all around lovely person. If she was ever pissed off about the hand life dealt her you wouldn't know it. 

I miss her. I need to know how she did it. How she managed to hold down the fort and keep her house and her kids tended. I've heard the "stories," but I need to KNOW how she managed it all!

( According to my Daddy and uncles she ruled that house with an iron fist- she may have only been five foot nothing and a hundred and two pounds but you still won't find a member of my family who would have taken her on on her WORST day.)

Was she ever sad? Was she ever just ready to throw in the towel and say "screw you kids I'm taking a bubble bath?!" Was she ever fed up with the lack of finances? Or did she greet it all with the same grace I saw her handle each of the other life's hardships?

She wasn't perfect. She had a helluva temper- but it was always garnished by a great sense of humor and appreciation for kid's antics. (I still remember how hard she laughed when at 8 years old I stuffed my pockets full of the hard candy wrappers I'd spoiled my dinner with- and how she winked at me and refilled that candy bowl just for me.)

The last time I saw her alive we sat at the kitchen table and just talked for hours. And what's sad is I can't remember much of the conversation. I was just glad to see her. We drank coffee, I smoked (she frowned but didn't yell at me- she had quit several years earlier after her son-in-law passed from lung cancer) and we just enjoyed each other's company.

I was 20 years old- and kick myself for not making more practical use of that time- like how'd you manage to take care of a family that large in hard financial times? What's the best way to get rust off a cast iron skillet without scraping your knuckles to death? How'd you handle keeping that many kids in a small home and keep it clean? Did you assign chores? Did your kids get an allowance or were they just expected to do it without question? How'd you make them all love you like crazy and still whoop their ass every Saturday "just in case" they needed it and you didn't know about it?

Here's to missed opportunities Miss Molly. I miss and love you.