Tell All Tuesdays (on a Friday...shaddup...I know)

I'm a slacker but in my defense with preparing for the holiday and the millions of midgets rampaging my house it's been a SERIOUSLY busy week.

Here is the THANKSGIVING Tell All Tuesday I meant to post ...but didn't...


5) My favorite dish is cornbread dressing. I wish I had my Nanny Pete's recipe because it was the shiznit. But I will eat it, just to try it, in any form because all kinds are worth trying. It is simply not Turkey Day without Cornbread dressing. My sister and I tried to doctor an atrocious bagged version my mother bought into something edible at our family dinner a few weeks back...it was okay- but not great. Home made is infinately better. We gave it a good try though.

4) My pecan pie is to die for. Literally. I'll toot my own horn about this one. I took my grandmother's recipe (which she never admitted but mom has since confirmed came off the Karo Syrup bottle...) and tweaked it and tortured it into EVEN BETTER pecan pie. That's right. I one-upped the Karo Syrup company, my mawmaw, and my mama. It's good stuff and a holiday favorite here at the AGU house. My mother in law got her feelings hurt my first Thanksgiving with the fam because I had made one and she had made one but hers didn't cook through thoroughly and while I'm sure it would have tasted heavenly if we could have eaten it? My father in law wasn't exactly kind in his survey of it...always felt kinda bad about that. But my pie is pretty damned good, and I'm now in charge of the pecan pie at Thanksgiving.

3) That said living with a diabetic husband kinda cramps my style on Thanksgiving. If it were up to me the entire meal would consist of various forms of pie. I love to bake. Pie is goooooooooood. And yams. Hell I don't know why we just don't give thanks with a giant dessert table. Save a turkey- EAT A PIE!

2) Turkey gives me the most horrific gas. I'll honestly be shocked and amazed if Mr. AGU comes home from work tonight after what I put him through yesterday evening. Po po Mr. AGU.

1) I long for the days I can host Thanksgiving at my own house. I don't ever see this happening but the main thing is I enjoy cooking a lot- as long as I have my plan in place and someone to handle my heathen horde while I cook it.

Regarding crappy movies...

My husband has made me sit through over the last four years of coupledom...I found the 3 reasons he isn't allowed to pick the movies we watch while moving the DVD racks to make room for the Christmas tree today. (Decorating my house for Christmas takes a small militia...mainly ME, moving the entire living room around JUSTSO to make sure that you can still see the TV and get a nice view of the presents at the same time. It's an art form.)


Anyway. I'm a freak of nature and alphabetize our movies (OCD much?) and had to stare at these 3 atrocities to film several times while putting them in their appropriate places on the shelves across the room from their normal location. (I should say I had to RE-alphabetize everything, have 3 children running helter skelter through my living room daily means that the majority of them get pulled off the shelves at least a million times a day and shoved back willy nilly- I lose sleep over this. Seriously.)


Here are the reasons I've revoked Mr. AGU's movie choosing rights, what's sad is #3 and #2 are actually in his top 5 favorite movies of all time list (po po Mr. AGU...)


3) The Warriors...

For those of you who haven't been "blessed" enough to see this piece of crap? It's like West Side Story meets The Chronicles of Narnia  meets Adventures in Babysitting- but subtract any actual talent, a decent and followable plot, and the music sucks ass. The premise is a big gang war is happening these "Warriors" have been framed for killing some head honcho guy at some big gang meeting and have to fight their way home across the city. It's lame. Beyond lame actually. I compare it Adventures in Babysitting because of the gang fight on the Subway- with the exception that those guys were actually worth watching. I just kept dozing off and hoping some of these losers would die. Apparently it's based on a video game. Which we also own. That should tell you everything you need to know about this piece of crap.

2) Bloodsport

Someone told Jean Claude he could act. Oye to tha fricken VEY. I've had to sit through this horrible thing more times than I care to count because I'm a good wife like that but it is seriously bad enough to make ones eyes bleed. I'm all for a good action kung fu movie, as long as it doesn't have crappy acting in it. Unfortunately Jean Claude has never done anything that could be considering GOOD acting so this one was doomed from the start.

1) Shoot Em Up

"It looked so cool in the previews..." that was his excuse. Maybe it did. I dunno. All I know is there is a reason it was in the "5 for 5 dollars!" bin at the Blockbuster that day, and that's because it sucks so horribly I can't even explain it to you properly. All I will say is there is a prostitute that gets put in charge of caring for an orphaned infant because she's a fetish hooker and does the whole "mommy thing" and has excess booby milk or something- there are people climaxing during sex while "shooting em up" because ya know, that's practical...and the antagonist (if memory serves, I really try and forget this movie) is some guy who doesn't want to die so he's having a bunch of women have his babies and jacking the kids healthy organs after he impregnates these random women so he can live. It's ludicrous...




There ya go. The reasons he isn't allowed to so much as go to the Redbox without specific instructions. If you haven't seen any of these- count yourselves among the lucky. Seriously? Go smoke a bowl, you'll lose less braincells than watching "Shoot Em Up"....

HOW did she do that? And why didn't I ask her when she was still here?

That's my Granny. And she was one in a million.

I'm sitting here in my pit of a house this morning...surrounded by screaming children currently pouring their morning snack all over my living room floor- staring at the 16 or so (wish I was exaggerating) loads of laundry that HAVE to get done in the next 24 hours. And missing my Grandmother beyond belief.

Granny had 9 stair step children, lived on a fairly limited income (they weren't even close to rich, I'll put it that way.) and somehow managed to not go completely insane. By the time I was old enough to appreciate her, she'd survived a few heart attacks, a few wars (in which four of her boys served and came home), the death of her husband and 2 children-even the deaths of a few grandchildren and great grands...and was still optimistic and happy and just an all around lovely person. If she was ever pissed off about the hand life dealt her you wouldn't know it. 

I miss her. I need to know how she did it. How she managed to hold down the fort and keep her house and her kids tended. I've heard the "stories," but I need to KNOW how she managed it all!

( According to my Daddy and uncles she ruled that house with an iron fist- she may have only been five foot nothing and a hundred and two pounds but you still won't find a member of my family who would have taken her on on her WORST day.)

Was she ever sad? Was she ever just ready to throw in the towel and say "screw you kids I'm taking a bubble bath?!" Was she ever fed up with the lack of finances? Or did she greet it all with the same grace I saw her handle each of the other life's hardships?

She wasn't perfect. She had a helluva temper- but it was always garnished by a great sense of humor and appreciation for kid's antics. (I still remember how hard she laughed when at 8 years old I stuffed my pockets full of the hard candy wrappers I'd spoiled my dinner with- and how she winked at me and refilled that candy bowl just for me.)

The last time I saw her alive we sat at the kitchen table and just talked for hours. And what's sad is I can't remember much of the conversation. I was just glad to see her. We drank coffee, I smoked (she frowned but didn't yell at me- she had quit several years earlier after her son-in-law passed from lung cancer) and we just enjoyed each other's company.

I was 20 years old- and kick myself for not making more practical use of that time- like how'd you manage to take care of a family that large in hard financial times? What's the best way to get rust off a cast iron skillet without scraping your knuckles to death? How'd you handle keeping that many kids in a small home and keep it clean? Did you assign chores? Did your kids get an allowance or were they just expected to do it without question? How'd you make them all love you like crazy and still whoop their ass every Saturday "just in case" they needed it and you didn't know about it?

Here's to missed opportunities Miss Molly. I miss and love you.

Tell All Tuesdays...

It's gonna be my new thing...

I haven't been in a Confessional Booth since I was about ...hmmm...well...wow. It's been a minute. At least a decade I'll put it that way.


And since it's been "awhile"... I see no need to trouble a priest trying to enjoy his Saturday afternoon with my trivial crap. Seriously- you know he's kinda hoping no one shows up so he can get back to watching College Football. He's human.


Some of the trivialities I choose not to bother my local Priest with are as follows:

This weeks theme??

TV CONFESSIONS:


5) I don't understand Reality TV. I don't see the draw in it- or the desire to watch it. If I want to see people make asses of themselves I've got plenty of examples sitting in traffic.

4) That said? I love love love Wheel of Fortune. I get antsy when I miss it. It's not reality TV, it's a GAME SHOW. I've adored that show since I was a child- and have actually applied to be on it (more than once) and never been called to audition. I will keep trying though. I have a date with that Wheel one day... (p.s. I'm scary good at it. Really scary good at it...)

3) I watch TVLAND late at night because they play Roseanne and The Nanny in syndication. Some people love crappy reality shows, I love crappy sitcoms from the 80's and 90's. Trust me- my version of fun is FAR more entertaining and family friendly.

2) I think I've mentioned this before in some fashion but when all else fails and there is NOTHING on? Yup...I settle for the kiddo channels. Phineas and Ferb rock. And you KNOW this...

1) My brother and sister are probably going to do some serious eye rolling on this one:

Most of my political education comes from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I try really hard to pay attention during the ACTUAL news where they discuss such things but the regular media is either all the way Left Wing or ALL the way Right Wing and I get frustrated and turn it off.



Tune in next week for Tell All Tuesday