The Haves Vs. The Have Nots

And no, I'm not referring to those with "possessions"...

I'm referring to those WITH kids and those WITHOUT kids.


There are MANY sub-sections to each, but in the interest of brevity I'll leave my musings to the two main categories. (For those interested a sub-section of WITH kids would be "Have seemingly endless babysitting possibilities" and for those WITHOUT kids would be "Have a job that requires EXTREME time dedication, aka lawyer, doctor etc")

The examples were provided for the simple reason that what I'm about to say (obviously) is generalizing. It does not apply to everyone. (Remember- I still have to "explain" things for the ignorant in the world- I'm now no longer concieted enough to believe that my sarcasm is evident or self-explanatory.)

MOVING ON...


A first time mother, particularly a "stay at home,"  is a very naive little thing. She believes, unknowlingly, that her social life will continue on the way it always did, though with maybe a few exceptions- OBVIOUSLY there will not be nearly as many parties or what have you, but she will still have lunch dates with the girls every week, and CLEARLY her loving husband/partner is going to watch the little darling often so that she can have some "adult" interaction occassionally.

And then the baby arrives. At first, things seem much the same! Friends drop by to cuddle the wee one and ooh and ahh over every burp and fart with you and sigh over those precious baby shower items you still haven't stored yet...and life is just WONDERFUL. (At this point you are probably still in the "HONEYMOON" phase...)


And then a few weeks pass, and one of two things happens (damn subcategories, was really hoping to avoid them...) you either

a) Return to work

or

b) Realize you haven't talked to a grown up that wasn't your husband in 4 weeks...


That's just the beginning. Fast forward a few months and you've probably run into your best friend once or twice at Walmart, seen a work associate maybe ONCE for lunch (if you work), and run into that gaggle of girls you used to hang out with in the mall...you were looking at the sale rack at Dillard's in the baby section-wishing you could afford something, while they are perusing the Coach counter and ya know- aren't window shopping like you now do.

That's life with a kid sweetheart.

At some point you will be invited to a BBQ...the "whole" family... and your friends will assure you that "bringing the baby is CERTAINLY not a problem....why they haven't seen them since they were just bitty!! Y'all should TOTALLY come!" (newsflash- your kid is damn near walking now, that's how long it's been since you've heard from your "friends.")

You will spend this BBQ alternating trying to enjoy the ONE beer you are going to have time for while you try to keep your kid from destroying your friend's home, and shooting dirty looks at your husband who insisted you go to this thing even though you TOLD him it was a bad idea. Forget eating. You're going to be feeding the kid instead of eating-speaking of the kid?  Your normally well behaved child will pick THIS occassion to turn into the screaming brat from hell, thereby solidifying your friend's already made decision to NEVER invite you and your family to anything ever again...and you will find yourself, at some point... tearing up in the bathroom (where you are changing a diaper) going...

"this used to be so much FUN..."


I wish I could say it was different but the truth of the matter is? That's parenthood. I'm sure you have one or two friends who have kids, and your best bet truly? Is to stick with them and get close. And even then don't expect it to be a constant social whirlwind. Think about it, they have kids too. They are busy and just really DON'T have time to hang with you, however much they may genuinely want to. However they are MUCH more likely to return texts, answer the phone, and are a great sounding board for all those mommy- matters you find yourself needing assistance with.

Your friends without families simply do not, will not, and CANnot fathom it- nor do they want to.

They don't want to hear about lil Suzie's milestones over mimosas and pedis, and they certainly don't want to have to watch you try and parent while they try to enjoy BOTH of your company. They are, for lack of a better term, FREE- and most likely consider your lifestyle boring and stifling.

They won't get it until they have kids of their own. (Feel free to point and laugh at them inwardly when they do...it's okay, we all do it. A lil bit of "na na na boo boo" is harmless...They would have done it to you too had they had kids first.)


Your friends aren't the ones that have changed though. As much as you would like to be hurt and blame them. (And it's hard not to.) YOU have changed...more importantly, your PRIORITIES have changed and that's not a bad thing at all!

If you were still out living the kid-free life when you HAVE kids? Well you wouldn't be a very good parent, now would you? And that's a lot more important than being a good friend.