I suppose I could say something super political about how big stores like Walmart are ruining small town America, and main street is dying...and go all "South Park" Let's kill the big bad super store thing.
But I don't care THAT much about that. Sure- it's important and we should all shop local. But until I can buy a 30 pack of toilet paper for under ten bucks "locally?" I'm forced by budgetary need to visit this mammoth hell hole about once a month.
No more. No less.
I have several reasons for hating this place- and while I normally go with lists I think better in prose. So that's what you're getting today.
First- why is it that every single horrible example of humanity is ALWAYS present at Walmart? Seriously? Is it necessary for me to peruse the toothpaste aisle with the most lewd, crude, and rude folks in Christendom? WHYYYYY? It's not like the staff helps that much either- they always seem to have their big baskets of crap they have to put back up blocking the row (now- I know they are doing their jobs, but do they have to block the entire row to do it?) People are so ugly and rude in this place that it should come as NO surprise to folks that one of my "greatest" moments was almost getting kicked out of Walmart last Thanksgiving Eve.
That's right. Ms. Manners. Lil Miss Proper almost got tossed out of the Wally World while buying last minute boxed stuffing.
Me: (bebopping along crowded aisle, patiently humming to myself and mentally going over my list....OOOooo, a break in the crowd!) Excuse me (bright and cheery as I pass by what appears to be a slovenly teenager and her boyfriend....)
THEM: (lil bitch proceeds to run over my ankle and slam her basket into my legs...) "YOU COULD HAVE SAID EXCUSE ME!!!!"
Me: (seriously pissed...remember, I stay pregnant...hormonal rage comes easy to me.) "I did- perhaps you would have heard me if your head wasn't so far up your ass little girl- now why don't you run along..."
THEM: (lots of cussing)
Me: (laughing) wow... you run over ME and YOU'RE pissed?
Walmart Associate: Can I help you ladies?
Me: Only one of us is a lady- that one is a potty mouth brat that needs to get some home training...
Walmart Associate: Miss, can I ask you to move along to another aisle please, you're disturbing the other shoppers. I don't want to have to get a manager...
Me: Whatever darlin...Happy Thanksgiving...
(bebops out of the aisle- proceeds to speed dial bestie and go OMG YOU AREN'T GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME IN THE F-IN WALMART DUDE!)
I hate Walmart. I hate that no one knows how to behave, the staff (which there are never enough of) never seem to know where ANYTHING is, the lines are too long- I swear they charge by the pound for everything ( I go in there and spend 200 bucks for a hand full of things...how am I saving money again?) and the parking lots make me homicidal.
Once a month I go...to buy toilet paper, and paper towels, dish detergent, etc. Because somethings simply are cheaper there than anywhere else. And once a month I come home grumbling about surrounding myself with idiots for a few hours.
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