A letter to the "school line"

Dear other inhabitants of the school drop off and pick up line:

Hi there. It's me, the big black bus that waits patiently in line with all the other oversized over priced domestic suv's in this horrendous line most every afternoon between 2:45 pm and 3:45 pm...and for those of you who are "green" to the process and how it works? I'm the one with the temper who has absolutely no qualms about rolling her window down and letting you know exactly what I think of you....see all those other moms? the one's giving me a good three feet of space on each side of my vehicle?...they have probably felt my wrath in the past...as have most of the incompetant people who send the kids to the cars each day... I'm not to be toyed with so lets heed the following guidelines and no one will get hurt...especially you in the brand new mazda suv...that's right...I saw you...but we'll get to you later...


Rule number one: There are no cell phones allowed in the school ZONE anymore...much less the school pick up LINE...do not think you are clever by simply holding the cell phone lower than your window...your vehicle is otherwise unoccupied and you are TALKING...with no ear piece in...with one hand conspicuosly lower than the other in the car...now last I checked? I'm the only crazy bitch who hears voices in this line...that job is taken thank you very much. Enjoy your 2 hundred dollar fine...because I'll be tattling on you to the crossing gaurd in a minute. Why? I don't like your face. That's why. And the fact that you think you're better than everyone and don't have to follow the rules or the clearly posted signs... LIKE SAY THE SPEED LIMIT....WHICH brings me to


Rule #2:The posted speed limit is 20. Not 40-80, and most certainly NOT fucking ZERO. If we all keep moving at a gentle pace people tend to get less aggravated because all that start fucking stop nonsense just pisses type a personalities like me the fuck off... I have no patience for you and your "but suzie can't get her shoes in that two inch puddle there and is currently throwing a king sized hissy fit (true story...witnessed today) about said precious shoes so I must STOP THE CAR...PUT IN IT PARK...(WE AREN'T ANYWHERE NEAR THE PICKUP POINT LADY...) AND WALK THE 300 YARDS TO SAID PRISSY BITCH WHO CAN'T GET HER KEDS SLIGHTLY DAMP...PICK HER UP, AND CARRY HER SAID 300 YARDS AGAIN....back to your car.... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME LADY? Your fucking spoiled brat (a SECOND GRADER MIND YOU) just caused a 150 car TRAFFIC JAM on a major road way...and next time you do that, could you at least break Rule #3 like the rest of the goons who can't follow the rules? SHEESH bitch ...

Rule #3The field. It is a soccer field, sometimes baseball practice field. It is large, it is grassy, and it sometimes used for emergency parking during school programs where there are lots of folks expected. What it is NOT is a fucking demolition derby you goddamn morons!!! People's babies cut across that field to get HOME...and you have made it the most challenging thing ever by your attempts to CUT the fucking LINE and drive like fucking maniacs across the field...to cut the people off at the front of the line (they seriously do this...daily....) I've called the cops on a few of you...that's right...when you almost hit my neighbor's boy that day? I'm the reason you got pulled over two seconds later because I took down your license plate number and reported you for reckless driving across a fucking field in a school zone no less. Grow a fucking brain, and some patience for the love of pete. No wonder our children have no manners and fights break out over people cutting in the damn lunch line! you can't wait ten minutes to pick up fucking pouty ass haywood or whatver the fuck you named him... you have to throw it in four wheel drive and off road over other people's children to make sure he doesn't have to wait one more solitary second in the shady covering provided by the school with all the other overly spoiled brats.... gimme a fucking break.

These are simply rules. all to better the chances that each of our kids actually make it to the car ALIVE... so how about we do this? say ya'll follow the rules....and I don't go to jail for kicking the shit out of you when you actually fuck up and hurt somebodies kid....remember...I hear voices...and they all don't like you....or your face.....