Being a Grown Woman Ain't a Part Time Job

Questions you never thought you'd ask:

2011-10-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Double Trouble

(No really, they only look sweet and innocent...)

GIRLS...WHY is there bologna in my toilet?

GIRLS....WHY is there sharpie marker on the BABY?

GIRLS...WHERE are your underwear/diapers and why aren't they on your BODY?

GIRLS...WHY is there wine in mommy's glass at 4:30 pm...(j/k...it's closer to 6:30...but you get the idea)

I'm baaaaackk

2011-10-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

Miss me? It's only been...what 8 months?

It's been busy I assure you.

I was kinda busy making another human, and then taking care of the ones I've already made, and then taking care of the new human when her precious self finally decided to show up.

HOWEVER, I have been journaling, have lots of fun stuff heading your way. Or maybe not so fun to YOU but I've had fun so I feel the need to share. I can't promise I'll post with anymore regularity, but I will tell ya I've got MY idea of fun jotted down and ready to go. At some point. When I get to it (as I type this there are not one but TWO heathens fussing for my attention...life is never slow around here.)

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

2011-04-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ya know you've missed me.

I wish I could say I've been doing something VERY exciting but in all honesty I've just been living. Or at least my usually half ass version of it.

The last month has been nothing short of INSANE- at least as far as timelines go.

Which brings me to this blog post. Over the last month I've planned birthday parties, christenings, made it to church all but one Sunday, shuttled the family to and from soccer practice and games, been SICK AS A DOG, and Mr. AGU was on what is known as "shutdown"... meaning they shut the plant he works in down completely and everyone works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day so they can knock out all the needed repairs on the unit in one swoop.

He pulled the night shift- so I was flying solo for a good period of time, and fairly ill at that. (Though thanks to my inlaws watching the girls for a few hours I was able to swing into a doctor and get some antibiotics round about the end of week 3- and am now feeling much better.)

Mr. AGU, feeling all sweet and bad about my having run myself into the ground- (quite literally actually- I passed out in a grocery store last week. Highly humiliating, I don't recommend that.) arranged for me to get my hair cut and colored (First time professionally in over a year?) and I also got to get a mani pedi (also over a year) which was- ironically- eye opening.

I was starting to get offended when we went out in public. People already look at us a bit funny when the whole motely crew is about. (especially minus Daddy- and the fact that none of my kids are clones of each other, I've actually been asked if they all have the same father *facepalm*)

However that aside these looks weren't the usual "AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT THE FERTILITY FREAKSHOW!!!" looks I'm used to getting and have been dealing with for at least 2 years now.

These were-pity. And that didn't feel very nice. People kept looking at me like they felt incredibly sorry for me and I couldn't for the life of me figure out WHY?! Hey- I've GOT this, Daddy is working a lot but we are handling it ya know? Everyone is clean, fed- sure the house has fallen to shit and back but I'm getting it better-

What the heck? My life isn't THAT bad people- sure it's busy, but isn't every moms?

And then I caught sight of myself in the mirror at the hairdressers.

And didn't recognize myself.

Sure I'd been sick. Everyone looks like crap when they've been sick. But not like this...

I looked about 15-20 years my senior. As if I'd been through some awful trauma as a 50 year old like- under going chemo or something.

My skin was sallow, I had bags under my eyes about 2 iches deep and swollen and purple. My hair was clean- but you couldn't really tell because I couldn't tell you the last time it'd been combed at that point- it was also the shade of a not quite ripe tangerine because I attempted to box color it and picked a shade that was simply atrocious for my skin tone, which was a lovely shade of green at that point.

I looked- pitiful

Me 5 years ago would have pointed me out to a friend in the mall- laughed and said "That's why the hell you don't have kids- you look like shit constantly." (Yes, I was that shallow at one point in my life. shhhhhhh)

The hairdresser worked her magic and I must say I loved it. I even went home and put on makeup!

And Daddy took us to a baseball game! (Stros lost, but the fireworks were awesome)

But I still haven't quit lost that "haunted " look apparently. I suppose it's because I really do spend most of my days running on an unhealthy amount of caffiene. (Sorry bitty bit- but at least it's not ya know....drugs or whatever.) I have my kiddos to take care of though and whoever made the "rules" for pregnancy clearly didn't already have children and no help.

My husband is our financial backbone and we'd die without him (duh) but people can't really appreciate my life- and most wouldn't choose to walk a day in my shoes if they could help it.

I find it fulfilling but I have come to the conclusion that if I want the misconceptions about my happiness and ability to stop then perhaps I should somehow (when?!) find 5 minutes in the day to ya know- do my makeup and comb my hair.

So I've been trying. And I do look a lot more "human" lately. The annoying comments and pitiful looks are getting less frequent...though I have a new favorite annoying comment to share...

"I bet YOU don't need a sleeping pill at night!!!"

to which I replied "Nope. I haven't slept in years. It's a vampire thing." (insert a smile that implies I'm about to rip your throat out with my teeth for being an obnoxious hag- watch weird opinionated lady back away slowly...)

I have missed myself. Or should I say, I have missed having the time to "spoil" myself. I do wark hard, and it's deserved I'm told. But I figure in a few years I'll have time to slooooow down a bit and make myself more of a priority. In the meantime, I promise to wear makeup in public and at least throw a ballcap on if Lil Bit has hidden the hair brush again.

The Haves Vs. The Have Nots

2011-04-03T20:53:00.000-07:00

And no, I'm not referring to those with "possessions"...

I'm referring to those WITH kids and those WITHOUT kids.

There are MANY sub-sections to each, but in the interest of brevity I'll leave my musings to the two main categories. (For those interested a sub-section of WITH kids would be "Have seemingly endless babysitting possibilities" and for those WITHOUT kids would be "Have a job that requires EXTREME time dedication, aka lawyer, doctor etc")

The examples were provided for the simple reason that what I'm about to say (obviously) is generalizing. It does not apply to everyone. (Remember- I still have to "explain" things for the ignorant in the world- I'm now no longer concieted enough to believe that my sarcasm is evident or self-explanatory.)

MOVING ON...

A first time mother, particularly a "stay at home," is a very naive little thing. She believes, unknowlingly, that her social life will continue on the way it always did, though with maybe a few exceptions- OBVIOUSLY there will not be nearly as many parties or what have you, but she will still have lunch dates with the girls every week, and CLEARLY her loving husband/partner is going to watch the little darling often so that she can have some "adult" interaction occassionally.

And then the baby arrives. At first, things seem much the same! Friends drop by to cuddle the wee one and ooh and ahh over every burp and fart with you and sigh over those precious baby shower items you still haven't stored yet...and life is just WONDERFUL. (At this point you are probably still in the "HONEYMOON" phase...)

And then a few weeks pass, and one of two things happens (damn subcategories, was really hoping to avoid them...) you either

a) Return to work

or

b) Realize you haven't talked to a grown up that wasn't your husband in 4 weeks...

That's just the beginning. Fast forward a few months and you've probably run into your best friend once or twice at Walmart, seen a work associate maybe ONCE for lunch (if you work), and run into that gaggle of girls you used to hang out with in the mall...you were looking at the sale rack at Dillard's in the baby section-wishing you could afford something, while they are perusing the Coach counter and ya know- aren't window shopping like you now do.

That's life with a kid sweetheart.

At some point you will be invited to a BBQ...the "whole" family... and your friends will assure you that "bringing the baby is CERTAINLY not a problem....why they haven't seen them since they were just bitty!! Y'all should TOTALLY come!" (newsflash- your kid is damn near walking now, that's how long it's been since you've heard from your "friends.")

You will spend this BBQ alternating trying to enjoy the ONE beer you are going to have time for while you try to keep your kid from destroying your friend's home, and shooting dirty looks at your husband who insisted you go to this thing even though you TOLD him it was a bad idea. Forget eating. You're going to be feeding the kid instead of eating-speaking of the kid? Your normally well behaved child will pick THIS occassion to turn into the screaming brat from hell, thereby solidifying your friend's already made decision to NEVER invite you and your family to anything ever again...and you will find yourself, at some point... tearing up in the bathroom (where you are changing a diaper) going...

"this used to be so much FUN..."

I wish I could say it was different but the truth of the matter is? That's parenthood. I'm sure you have one or two friends who have kids, and your best bet truly? Is to stick with them and get close. And even then don't expect it to be a constant social whirlwind. Think about it, they have kids too. They are busy and just really DON'T have time to hang with you, however much they may genuinely want to. However they are MUCH more likely to return texts, answer the phone, and are a great sounding board for all those mommy- matters you find yourself needing assistance with.

Your friends without families simply do not, will not, and CANnot fathom it- nor do they want to.

They don't want to hear about lil Suzie's milestones over mimosas and pedis, and they certainly don't want to have to watch you try and parent while they try to enjoy BOTH of your company. They are, for lack of a better term, FREE- and most likely consider your lifestyle boring and stifling.

They won't get it until they have kids of their own. (Feel free to point and laugh at them inwardly when they do...it's okay, we all do it. A lil bit of "na na na boo boo" is harmless...They would have done it to you too had they had kids first.)

Your friends aren't the ones that have changed though. As much as you would like to be hurt and blame them. (And it's hard not to.) YOU have changed...more importantly, your PRIORITIES have changed and that's not a bad thing at all!

If you were still out living the kid-free life when you HAVE kids? Well you wouldn't be a very good parent, now would you? And that's a lot more important than being a good friend.

Flashback

2011-03-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

So there is this country song called "Mama, BEFORE she was mama..." Basically- the gist is that the kids are digging through an old box of their Mom's momento's and stumble across a bunch of "back in the day pictures..." most notably her in a string bikini smoking pot in a the Bahamas.

Now, I did NOT smoke pot in the Bahamas. (Smoking pot is illegal everywhere but Amsterdam people...don't let the movies fool you. The Jamaican and Bahama authorities take that business SERIOUSLY...)

However, as indicated by the above photo? Mr. AGU and I (then simply future MR. AGU, we were dating) well we had ourselves a TIME.

We enjoyed that champagne SO much? It's what we ended up serving at our wedding- ironically. Though the resort was "all inclusive," their drinks were watered down to the point of pointlessness- so we stuck with champagne.

I don't know why I was thinking of this trip this morning- except that sometimes memories just creep up on you and make ya grin a bit. This was a fun night.

We got ALL dressed up, went to the "fancy" restaurant on the resort...where the food was simply AWFUL... ended up at the Buffet with the rest of the schmoes right before they closed down for the night (though they were kind enough to let us take our bottle of champagne with us from dinner) and stuffed our faces full of the Bahamas version of "American" cuisine (hamburgers and booze) before scampering off to enjoy the Naussa night life.

I think the reason it's sticking with me this morning is that this was the first and LAST trip that my husband and I took together where we got to "party" together. Thanks to that trip we were pretty broke the rest of that summer, got engaged that fall, and I was pregnant and we were married before the anniversary of that trip rolled around the next year!

Our honeymoon, I was pregnant. Though I will say we had a FANTASTIC time, and that the room service folks offering that bomb ass icecream sundae at 11 o'clock at night was just the best thing since cheap champagne and hamburgers...

We've only been away for quick overnight trips other than that. Never away from our kiddos for more than one night- and the only "EPIC" night I could say we've had together was our first anniversary...an unforgettable event consisting of an Astros game, a hella funtrip to Dave and Busters, and a late night trip to Taco Bell... (well- it would have been unforgettable- apparently we both indulged a bit and had some extra beers we may have forgotten about)

It's just funny. It's Wednesday, my husband is POSSIBLY off this weekend (though I doubt it happens)... and we have no plans really. No desire to make any either. I'd rather curl up on the couch with the fam all weekend and veg away to disney movies or some nonsense...

But back before Mama was Mama? haha...well that's a different story. I suppose that BOTH of us back then would have had a baby sitter lined up for Heathen Number 1 the PREVIOUS weekend, plans made by Wednesday for Thursday, Friday, and POSSIBLY Saturday night as well, and a fair portion of the check set aside for a good time.

Things are a bit different now...and as much fun as those good times are? I'm pretty satisfied that they are rare. I suck at drinking now, (3 years with barely a drop due to pregnant or nursing really drains the tolerance) I hate being hung over- and I hate staying sober to deal with a hungover grumpy bear in the mornings while we take care of the heathens lol

In a lot of ways? Getting older is a LOT easier than being young

Tell All Tuesdays... WHY I hate Walmart

2011-03-01T09:41:00.000-08:00

I suppose I could say something super political about how big stores like Walmart are ruining small town America, and main street is dying...and go all "South Park" Let's kill the big bad super store thing.

But I don't care THAT much about that. Sure- it's important and we should all shop local. But until I can buy a 30 pack of toilet paper for under ten bucks "locally?" I'm forced by budgetary need to visit this mammoth hell hole about once a month.

No more. No less.

I have several reasons for hating this place- and while I normally go with lists I think better in prose. So that's what you're getting today.

First- why is it that every single horrible example of humanity is ALWAYS present at Walmart? Seriously? Is it necessary for me to peruse the toothpaste aisle with the most lewd, crude, and rude folks in Christendom? WHYYYYY? It's not like the staff helps that much either- they always seem to have their big baskets of crap they have to put back up blocking the row (now- I know they are doing their jobs, but do they have to block the entire row to do it?) People are so ugly and rude in this place that it should come as NO surprise to folks that one of my "greatest" moments was almost getting kicked out of Walmart last Thanksgiving Eve.

That's right. Ms. Manners. Lil Miss Proper almost got tossed out of the Wally World while buying last minute boxed stuffing.

Me: (bebopping along crowded aisle, patiently humming to myself and mentally going over my list....OOOooo, a break in the crowd!) Excuse me (bright and cheery as I pass by what appears to be a slovenly teenager and her boyfriend....)

THEM: (lil bitch proceeds to run over my ankle and slam her basket into my legs...) "YOU COULD HAVE SAID EXCUSE ME!!!!"

Me: (seriously pissed...remember, I stay pregnant...hormonal rage comes easy to me.) "I did- perhaps you would have heard me if your head wasn't so far up your ass little girl- now why don't you run along..."

THEM: (lots of cussing)

Me: (laughing) wow... you run over ME and YOU'RE pissed?

Walmart Associate: Can I help you ladies?

Me: Only one of us is a lady- that one is a potty mouth brat that needs to get some home training...

Walmart Associate: Miss, can I ask you to move along to another aisle please, you're disturbing the other shoppers. I don't want to have to get a manager...

Me: Whatever darlin...Happy Thanksgiving...

(bebops out of the aisle- proceeds to speed dial bestie and go OMG YOU AREN'T GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME IN THE F-IN WALMART DUDE!)

I hate Walmart. I hate that no one knows how to behave, the staff (which there are never enough of) never seem to know where ANYTHING is, the lines are too long- I swear they charge by the pound for everything ( I go in there and spend 200 bucks for a hand full of things...how am I saving money again?) and the parking lots make me homicidal.

Once a month I go...to buy toilet paper, and paper towels, dish detergent, etc. Because somethings simply are cheaper there than anywhere else. And once a month I come home grumbling about surrounding myself with idiots for a few hours.

Tell All Tuesdays... The Housecleaning Edition

2011-02-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

As a stay at home "mom/wife/superhuman" my day is filled with lots of EXCITING details. Like folding folks underwear and cleaning my 2 year old's latest "uh oh mommy I peed in my PANties" accident off my floor. (Again.)

You're excited to read this already aren't you. This weeks tell alls? Ms. Allgrowedup's Favorite and LEAST favorite chores.

First, (let's get the negative out the way early shall we?) my LEAST favorite chores:

3) Sweeping. I frickin HATE sweeping. I do it at least 4 times an hour. I suck at it too. (This according to my husband who despite the fact that I've rarely seen him leave his recliner much less pick up a broom- is actually quite accomplished at most household chores.) My girls seem to leave a trail of crumbs even HOURS after they've finished eating. (Think Hansel and Gretal, and follow the cracker crumbs and you'll find my Mighty Midget...) I'm seriously considering attaching a Dustbuster to both of their butts. Just to see what happens. (sarcasm- in case the "ignorant" missed it. I'm not actually going to attach hand held appliances to my children's asses in an effort to clean my floors.)

2) Putting away the laundry. I'll wash it. I'll dry it. I'll fold it. But man do I HATE having to put it away. For some reason there never seems to be enough room in anyone's drawer for ANYTHING. Despite many efforts at organization ( and different folding methods to make room when purging failed...) It just makes me cranky.

1) Scrubbing the tub. Specifically OUR tub. For some reason it has lost it's glaze (happened years before we lived here apparently) and therefore catches dirt like CRAZY. Though I doubt my scrubbing the heck out of it once a week with comet helps. (Nothing cleans a tub like comet. I don't care WHO ya are.) But it makes me smell like bleach, leaves my knuckles sore, and makes my ole' arthritic knees hurt. Humbug on tub scrubbing!

Now, on to the FAVES....keep in mind? These aren't necessarily things I LIKE doing, they just don't suck as bad as the others, and in some cases are therapeutic!

3) Dusting. Despite a raging dust allergy (it's bad) I don't mind dusting. I like being able to see the physical results of my work, and Murphey's Oil Soap and Pledge make the house smell nice. I just have to remember to wear a mask.

2) Mopping and Vacuuming. Again, I like to see the fruits of my labors. It is somewhat therapeutic to be able to see a spot disappear off the floor. And again? Makes the house smell nice. I like things that make my house smell nice. Hehe.

1) Folding towels. I think it's the repetitive motion maybe? Each item the same- and it smells good. (Come on, fresh towels, right out of the dryer, smelling of dryer sheet yumminess...ya seeing the theme here?)

Misc. Chores that I HAVE to do are as follows:

Dish washing (ugh. at least 3 times a day. Thanks to the transference of paternal OCD it literally pains me to know there are dishes in my sink. If I get sleepy and leave them overnight I toss and turn all night...which would explain the REAL reason I don't sleep much when I bring a new baby home...I'm tossing and turning thinking about those dishes piling up.)

Laundry in general. Ugh. I do it. It gets done. It's cool. Time consuming. But I'm on a schedule and it keeps me from getting overwhelmed.

Things that I NEVER do that honestly NEED to be done but I'm just like "eh, I'll add it to the spring cleaning list)

Cleaning my oven. To HELL with that shit. I'm just sayin. I did it once. Two years ago. FOUR HOURS and having to evacuate my family from the damn smell and the thing STILL wasn't clean? Screw it. It's inspired me to get a self cleaning oven. I'm planning on hiring someone to do it before we throw the house on the market. I will NEVER do it again.

Cleaning my microwave. This gets done as needed but still not as often as it should. I just resent being the only one to bother when I'm not the one that blows burritos and such up in the microwave.

Filing. Oh good lord the paper mess. I know I KNOW I keep saying I'll get to it but man... that's an undertaking that is gonna require a kid free, man free weekend and some booze. It's gonna have to wait until new baby is here. That is FOR SURE.

And that's all for this weeks Tell Alls.

Aren't you proud of me? TWO WEEKS IN A ROW...WOOHOO!

Do You Know How Much He Loves Me?

2011-02-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

It's Valentines Day. My husband usually gets me something small, we aren't "real big" into the holiday. I almost always get a card that makes me cry- he's good at cards.

This year he outdid himself. I laughed, I cried, I punched him in the arm- and then I planted a big ole' sugar on him.

It went a lil something like this:

To the love of my life and the wonderful mother of my children,

I love you more than Deer Hunting.

You are sexier to me than a brand new F-250.

I enjoy holding you more than *Lucille.

I need you more than Overtime.

Love,

Your husband

(*sidenote- that's his gun :-D)

I adore that man Damnit.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Tell All Tuesdays...

2011-02-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

Are back. At least this week... until I forget again. Whatever.

This week? TOP 5 Kid's ShowsI don't particularly care for. (Enthralling. I know)

Part of Being Grown means WITH kids, ironically, watching kid's shows. All.the.TIME. When you're grown without kids you escape this narrowly- though I'm willing to bet you find your television on Cartoon Network for Adult Swim at night. And NO, those don't count as kid shows.

I've sat through all of these, everyday, some for the last 4 years. Others for the last 1.5 years since my oldest daughter discovered she likes animated people. Woo.frickin.HOO.

5) Ni Hoa Kai-lan. AKA - Chinese Dora the Explorer, but not as cute. Not as entertaining, and about as annoying as her Lil pigtailed self can possibly get. She repeats. EVERYTHING she says, at LEAST six times. I'm aware that repetition is a fine teacher...but when your 2 year old is asking you "mommy, why Kailan keep saying that?" Maaaaaaaaaaay be a bit much. That child drives me nuts. Luckily for me, my kids don't care for her show either, and it's been relegated to THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON status.

4) Sponge Bob Square Pants. Ew. Need I say more? He's gross. Patrick is gross. Squidward is a whiner and Mr. Crabs is weirdly obsessed with his whale daughter. None of them are funny and they all gross me out a good bit. The only part I really enjoy at all is the theme song. It's catchy. (Admit it....you're humming about pineapples under the sea...right...NOW)

3) Go! Diego GO!- I actually really don't have that much of an issue with Diego except that he irritates Lil Bit because he isn't Dora. And let's face it...not many folks are as cool as Dora to a 2 year old girl. She gets all excited when she sees him because she mistakenly thinks it's Dora coming on, then I have to listen to 15 minutes of WHINING about "mommy....WHERE is DORA? And BOOTS? and SWIPER?" waaaaaaaaaaaah. You won't see Dora on my list. Or Elmo/Sesame Street. As much as those two creepy works of fiction get on my nerves? They've bought a whole lot of quiet in this house. You won't catch me biting the hand that feeds me. ;-) Literally. Sometimes it's the only time I get to have a warm meal.

2) The Fresh Beat Band. Shoot. Me. NOW. They play the same 5 episodes over and over again, my kid is OBSESSED with their songs (which incidentally, all suck and hardly qualify as music) and they are peppy. I sincerely hope none of those "kids" (they all appear to be close to my age- playing high school kids) wants an acting career outside of children's television one day...they show a reel from this show and they are likely to get laughed out of the room.

And the one that takes the CAKE?

1) Max & Ruby.

Thank GOD my Lil Bit isn't a huge fan. It's also "There is nothing else ON" status... That bossy little bitchy bunny seriously pisses me off. If I were Max I'd have to throw something hard at her...often. And where the HELL are the parent bunnies? Are these kids raising themselves? Gramma lives down the street for the love of Pete?! I see NO educational value in this show, it's NOT entertaining, and the absolute only likable character is Max- and that's because he rarely if ever speaks.

Here are some shows I will watch with my kids because they are quality entertainment, have a variety of episodes available (so you don't get stuck watching the same five) and my kids actually LEARN things from them.

Phineas & Ferb- loveloveLOVE Phineas & Ferb. My whole family does. Daddy down to Mighty Midget we actually watch this one TOGETHER.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse- come ON....it's Mickey. Can't go wrong with Mickey.

YoGabbaGabba- Lil bit likes the music, enjoys and LEARNS from the lessons, and I get a kick out of seeing Biz Markie on TV again. What's not to like? It's like a really funky acid trip without the illicit drugs!

That's all for tell all Tuesdays! Ciao'!

Grown Women have Grown Ass Manners

2011-02-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

My husband jokes that I'm old fashioned. It may very well be true. I'm hardly a prude (by any stretch of the imagination- once you get to know me well enough I have a fairly well versed set of dirty jokes, most of which I probably stole from my big sister ;-) but I have some standards for what I consider "grown" behavior... Keeping up to my OWN standards keeps me pretty busy- but I fully believe it makes me a better person and is helping me set a good example for my kids.

Grown Womanism Number ONE:

I put my cart away at the store. Nothing irritates the SHIZ out of me more than lazy people leaving their carts in the parking lot. And NO "I have my kids with me!" Is NOT a justifiable excuse. Cars are an expensive investment. I RESPECT that investment- so I unload my groceries, push my cart to the cart corral, and field trip the heathens back to the car. WHY? Because it's the right thing to do. It's good manners. Nothing sucks worse than running to the store for some basics and coming out to whiskey dings in your car courtesy of the carts people are too lazy to put up. I've lectured on this AT LENGTH to people. Do it. See if it doesn't put a smile on your face. Because the folks like ME that no matter how nice we are always end up with the carts in our doors? We deserve better.

Grown Womanism Number TWO:

Offer to help people in small ways. Open the door for the old lady coming up the walk behind you, Offer to help your neighbor get their trash to and from the curb if they are struggling. Pay it forward. It's nice, and nearly always results in good Karma.

Grown Womanism Number THREE: (BY FAR THE MOST IMPORTANT)

Please. Thank you. You're Welcome...and for Pete's SAKE, say "Bless you"...when someone sneezes. It drives me bat crap crazy that because some people don't believe in putting "GOD" in anything anymore they refuse to say "Bless you..." You don't have to put the "God" in it if that isn't your thing- but at least acknowledge the person is feeling poorly and hope for them to feel better. My two year old may not know much but she has PRETTY manners. She says "PLEASE mommy get out of my way..." and "THANK YOU mommy for doing that...." and "You're WELCOME mommy-" when I sarcastically thank her for coloring on the living room floor- again. Manners are important. Teach them to your kids too.

COMING SOON!!

2011-02-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

YES! I know I'm lame- but * busy life aside I've also had a bit of writer's block!

(*sidenote* I do have a life outside my computer- strange as that may seem to those who swear I spend it on FB- my computer came equipped with this really cool feature called a "MINIMIZE" button...I log in and then "MINIMIZE" the screen when I'm away from the computer, which is quite often. I'm just lazy and don't like to log in when I get five minutes- so NO, I'm not sitting in front of the screen all day waiting on your every update and commentary about the snow, I'm probably playing with my kids and just didn't log out... Look at the top right hand part of YOUR screen- I bet you have one of these handy buttons too- you know which one it is, you hit it everytime your boss bebops in the office so he doesn't know your playing Zynga's latest fad game on FB *end sidenote*)

Wow- what a digression THAT was. Where was I? Oh yes, writer's block.

I consulted several friends and I'm still trying to find my blog's "direction" if you will. I have lots of different theories I'm kicking around, all centered around what it REALLY takes to be a grown woman in today's society- however I have a few parameters that I'm trying to stick to that are making this a WEE bit tricky.

Parameter A) Thanks to those lovely busy bodies who seemed to want to take my wit out of context and be all "dramatic" about things? My kids are for the MOST part, completely off limits. So that leaves whining about their every cute screw up out. That sucks- because they are THE biggest part of my life and I find some of their goings-on absolutely hysterical, however I don't feel like having CPS called on me for admitting that my 2 year old got into my mascara again and gave herself a black eye- and that hubster and I both pointed and laughed after determining no damage done because, WELL hell, maybe she'll learn to leave mommy's stuff alone finally.... (whoops- maybe shouldn't have told you that?)

Parameter B) Politics and religion are OUT. This is a FUN blog dangit. And I consider it friendly turf. I don't discuss these topics with friends. Most people don't like my opinions on ANYTHING because I'm pretty set in my ways and won't be swayed. I'm nearing 30. You aren't going to change my mind and I wouldn't DREAM of changing yours. Educational debates and discussions ARE indeed impossible when people's passions get brought up, so I choose to be Switzerland when it comes to sharing my political and religious views.

Parameter C) Don't really care to talk about things that are "trashy"...for instance- I'm not really big on discussing the latest trends in porn- or whatever. Not my bag baby. This IS the internet and for reasons of watching my TONE and the fact that one of my kids can read already? Nah...not so much.

So I'm going to ask YA'LL, what would YOU, my loyal followers (all 6 of you- heart you bitches) want to read about from me? Like I said I've got a few ideas kicking around and a few drafts ready to go but I'm debating on WHICH direction I want to take the blog in before I post anything.

Hit me up. Lemme know.

MWAH.

Forgiveness is Good...

2011-01-23T10:51:00.000-08:00

But it's that whole "forgetting" part I have always had a problem with.

I have the WIERDEST temper. I'm over things THATFAST. Even big stuff. I get ticked- have my flash in the pan moment of petulance, and then POOF...I'm done. I'm spent. I just don't like being ANGRY. It makes me sad eventually, and who wants to be sad all the time?

That said- I tend to have a memory like an elephant. I don't "forget" as easily as I suppose I forgive. ("Fool me once...shame on you...etc")

That can make complete forgiveness very hard for me. I will forgive folks- then sit around waiting for them to screw up again.

I'm working on that. It's not a very pleasant way to live- going around second guessing folks all the time- waiting for freshly given trust and respect to be breached. It's made me a cautious person, which isn't necessarily a bad thing- but it's turned me into an overly skeptical person.

I try REALLY hard to believe there is good in everyone. Some people just consistently show their bad side so often it makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to overlook their bad qualities and give them my trust and respect again. Ironically I consider this MY problem, not really "theirs"...it's my falling short as a person (in my mind) that makes it hard for me to forget- (though they really should quit being jerks, let's face it, I can't take all the blame when people consistently screw up, refuse to acknowledge their own shortcomings, and then move forward...)

I know that in order to truly lead a HAPPY and fulfilled life we have to let go of when people do us wrong (or pray for them- which I find myself doing for people who have wronged me quite often lately. Just so you don't think I'm uppity I also pray a lot for myself, in the hopes that I'm granted the ability to "get over it...")

BUT my question to you (and I think this is something everyone should ask themselves) how do you handle your anger towards others, no matter how justified? How do you forgive AND forget? Do you force the issue, pray through it? Or like me do you find yourself "forgiving," but not really because you simply can't find it in yourself to move past the PAST and try and rebuild relationships?

What works for you?

Tone

2011-01-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

TONE:

–noun

1. any sound considered with reference to its quality, pitch, strength, source, etc.: shrill tones.
2. quality or character of sound.
3. vocal sound; the sound made by vibrating muscular bands in the larynx.
4. a particular quality, way of sounding, modulation, or intonation of the voice as expressive of some meaning, feeling, spirit, etc.: a tone of command.
5. an accent peculiar to a person, people, locality, etc., or a characteristic mode of sounding words in speech.
6. stress of voice on a syllable of a word.
7. Linguistics . a musical pitch or movement in pitch serving to distinguish two words otherwise composed of the same sounds, as in Chinese.
8. Music .
a. a musical sound of definite pitch, consisting of several relatively simple constituents called partial tones, the lowest of which is called the fundamental tone and the others harmonics or overtones.
b. an interval equivalent to two semitones; a whole tone; a whole step.
c. any of the nine melodies or tunes to which Gregorian plainsong psalms are sung.
9. a quality of color with reference to the degree of absorption or reflection of light; a tint or shade; value.
10. that distinctive quality by which colors differ from one another in addition to their differences indicated by chroma, tint, shade; a slight modification of a given color; hue: green with a yellowish tone.
11. Art . the prevailing effect of harmony of color and values.
12. Physiology .
a. the normal state of tension or responsiveness of the organs or tissues of the body.
b. that state of the body or of an organ in which all its functions are performed with healthy vigor.
c. normal sensitivity to stimulation.
13. a normal healthy mental condition.
14. a particular mental state or disposition; spirit, character, or tenor.
15. a particular style or manner, as of writing or speech; mood: the macabre tone of Poe's stories.
16. prevailing character or style, as of manners, morals, or philosophical outlook: the liberal tone of the 1960's.
17. style, distinction, or elegance.
–verb (used with object)
18. to sound with a particular tone.
19. to give the proper tone to (a musical instrument).
20. to modify the tone or general coloring of.
21. to give the desired tone to (a painting, drawing, etc.).
22. Photography . to change the color of (a print), esp. by chemical means.
23. to render as specified in tone or coloring.
24. to modify the tone or character of.
25. to give or restore physical or mental tone to.
–verb (used without object)
26. to take on a particular tone; assume color or tint.
Origin:

1275–1325; ME (n.) < L tonus < Gk tónos strain, tone, mode, lit., a stretching, akin to teínein to stretch

—Synonyms
1. See sound1 . 15. spirit, quality, temper.

(The above was provided courtesy of http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tone)

I'm amazed that a mono-syllabic, four letter word can have such a lengthy definition.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about "tone" lately. The tone of my voice. The tone of my life...the tone of certain conversations- the tone of this blog...etc.

Once again I'm learning that no matter how old you get- you have to "watch your tone..."

In music- you have to watch your tone otherwise Randy on American Idol tells you you're "pitchy," Paula tells you that you "just aren't right for THIS show..." and Simon tells you that you are the worst thing he's ever heard. (I'm referring to when AI was worth watching- I refuse to watch anything with Stephen Tyler on it.) Tone is important in music.

In conversations- particularly unpleasant ones- you have to watch your tone because if you don't you run the chance of people not at all hearing what you are SAYING- but only hearing the tenure of what you are saying- and that can lead to misinterpretations. For instance you could be simply expressing that you'd like a raise, or more vacation time- and all your boss is hearing is "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah--- bitch bitch moan moan..." or even "is this guy gonna go postal on me?!?" Tone is important in verbal conversation.

Tone is particularly important when speaking to your kids. I- as I assume most mothers are- am very guilty of losing my temper and while I may be SAYING "PLEASE"...my tone implies "do this or die..." and all the child hears is "wow mama is mad..." (insert water works and complete and total lack of cooperation HERE...)

I've also learned that in THIS day and age- the most important place where tone is important is the place where it's near completely impossible to monitor.

The Internet.

Now- I've been TOLD by many that I write well. (I will thank those who think so for the compliment- though I'm sure I'm a grammatical nightmare now that I don't have a professor or my mother standing over me with the RED PEN OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!)

That said, I apparently don't write nearly well enough to display the appropriate tone of certain things.

A truly GIFTED writer can get a certain aura going in a body of work that captivates readers and has them going "AH HA! I get IT!"

Given that- everyone can read the same book or piece of work- and still come away with a different opinion of the author's TONE.

Where some people find my posts here, on Facebook, and even on the parenting forums I have been known to frequent amusing and entertaining (the spirit in which they are intended) others take away other thoughts.

Some people have even implied that I clearly hate being a mother and don't deserve my children.

When these things were first brought to my attention I was a bit hurt- a lot appalled- and felt an unreasonable sense of GUILT at that assumption. I went back through every blog post- every Facebook status, everything I have put on for "public" display in the last YEAR...searching for these offenses against my babies...

And came back empty handed. BUT, that is because I KNOW my implied tone. I know what I was feeling and thinking and, yes in some cases VENTING when I wrote everything.

My father and mother are both of the opinion that I should delete this blog and my Facebook entirely. I've politely declined. My husband would PREFER I did- but understands and respects my reasons for keeping it.

Perception IS everything, I will agree with my father on that. It doesn't matter how many ways I say and SHOW my love for my kids- All it takes is ONE person reading ONE thing in a manner other than it was intended, and damage can be done.

However I did a poll- and for every one person that got it wrong? There were at least 10-15 people that not only got it RIGHT, but loved it.

Perception is indeed everything. I now clearly perceive who my true friends and family are that can be counted on. Who know me. Who can SEE what I mean in just a few words and HEAR my voice through the written word on a screen.

Will I watch my tone a bit more carefully? To be sure...but I will not cater to the perceptions of the stupid. I might offer an explanation to the ignorant occasionally.

But stupid folks? Well...as the old saying goes?

Ya' can't fix stupid...

(for the ignorant? That's called SARCASM.)

Parenting Gadgets are just OODLES of fun...

2011-01-08T10:03:00.000-08:00

AND. They take up OODLES of space. I'm going through the girls things over the course of this weekend. We are preparing for a *possible* move at the end of this school year (assuming someone buys our house) and I'm decluttering everything from clothes to kitchen gadgets over the course of the next few months.

As I'm going through this amazing amount of CRAP that my girls seem to have accumulated (clothes, toys, useless contraptions I'm not sure why we OWN...) I have mentally made a list of things I wish I'd known were useless before my first daughters birth. (and things I wished I'd had the common sense to purchase myself)

(note: not listed in any particular order- just the order I found them in today)

NUMBER THREE

THE WIPE WARMER...

For the record, I registered for this because it came highly recommended from several moms, my sister included. (I couldn't find a pic of the EXACT model, but ya get the idea) I used it for all of three weeks- until I kept wondering why it was draining water faster than I could pour it in and turning my baby wipes brown while drying them out. It's a fire hazard, a pain in the butt- and your kid does not in the LEAST care that the baby wipes are warm. (At least Lil Bit didn't, and so far Tid Bit hasn't complained so I doubt that Bitty Bit is going to give a crap either.)

It's currently collecting dust in the closet.

NUMBER TWO

THE DIAPER CHAMP

Again, used for roughly 3 weeks with my first born and currently collecting dust (though in the corner of the room.) If the smell doesn't kill you (because lets face it...throwing all your shitty and pee diapers in ONE PLACE and leaving them there for a day or so is a GOOD way to offend your olfactory senses) the effort of dragging a heavy nasty bag out of what is essentially a very skinny trash can will. I HATE this thing. I thought it was "soooo cool" when I first got it...but after almost vomitting in my mouth on more than one occassion entering my daughters room? No more. I was having to empty that bag every few hours, and lets face it, my trash can in the kitchen goes out once a day so what was the point? I HEAR the Diaper GENIE is much cooler and blocks the smell. I can't attest to that one way or the other but I just as soon not bother wasting the money to be honest with ya.

NUMBER ONE

THE EXERSAUCER

I have a love/hate relationship with this one. Yes the kids use it and YES, they absolutely love it- but it's HUGE, it doesn't fold up nearly as easy as the directions indicate it should, and even when you DO fold it up, it's STILL HUGE. They start using it anywhere between 5 and 6 months of age and if they are anything like my girls are bored with it mentally by 8-9 months because it coops them up...It's just...BIG.

Then there are the things I wished I'd had the common sense or knowledge to purchase before the girls came along...(and no, I don't currently own any of them...just wish I did)

NUMBER THREE

THE MAGIC ERASER

I have actually owned these in the past and just happen to be out at the moment...but my GOODNESS...what a lovely invention! Crayon on your refrigerator...get out the magic eraser...Permanent Marker on your front door (Thanks Lil Bit) ...get out the magic eraser... Mystery substance on your floor that just won't come off even with goo gone? MAGIC ERASER...Mary Poppins had this shit in her bag. I guarantee you. It's why she was so happy all the time. She had Mr. Clean in a sponge. (Note to self: Add to shopping list...)

NUMBER TWO

THE ROOMBA

I want one of these so badly I could cry. I especially want to know if I could train it to follow the heathens around all day-just in case. (Hey Roomba folks...add a "heathen follow" option-you'll make a bajillion dollars off parents with toddlers.) I sweep at least 5 times a day and the floors are still never quite clean it seems, I can only imagine the stress this would take out of my life. I get kinda happy just thinkin about it actually... (runs off to daydream about a broom free roomba life...)

NUMBER ONE

THE GYRO BOWL

My son pointed this gem out to me in a commercial this morning and I.want.it. BADLY. A mom invented this one, you can be sure. A bowl a child cannot possibly spill the contents of and tough enough to take a toss across a room during a full blown heathen tantrum? Omigosh...awesomeness personified in a bowl I tell ya. I'm hoping I can find them locally in the "as seen on tv" sections of Walgreens or BB & B, because that has GOT to be the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life, and definately something I would get use of in THIS house.

Facing the Truth

2011-01-05T07:16:00.000-08:00

At some point in every married woman's life you get told something by your spouse that- if you're like me? Makes your jaw drop and your internal spiteful bitch go...

"wow- you are so never getting laid, in this lifetime...ever again..."

And ironically it is in (MOST) couples, the exact same phrase across the board.... (wait for it)

"You've turned into your mother...."

(resounding echo for emphasis in that deep booming slow motion Hollywood voice that kinda grabs your attention...)

NOW...in some couples...I'm sure that may actually be a compliment. But in MY case I can assure you that while my husband and my mother NOW get along, there was a time when they decidedly did NOT- and it is THAT period of time to which my husband is referring. In short-

It ain't a compliment.

My mama is a lovely woman. Hard working...INCREDIBLY brilliant (no really- ask anyone- she's like- hella smart.) and dotes on her grandchildren. She's busted her ass her entire life to make a way for her children and I can't pay her ANY higher compliment than that since I know NOW- what exactly busting your ass for your family entails. She's tenacious, and she's tough.

THAT said.

She's a worry wart. Kinda to the point where it's beyond all sense and she worries about the most ridiculous things in the world that NO ONE else worries about.

(No shit, she would not visit California for years because she was convinced it was going to fall into the ocean. She is that scared of Earthquakes.)

My kids, my sister's kid...her kids that are in her class...hell...YOUR kids she doesn't even KNOW yet?

She worries about them. All the time. I assure you- she loses sleep over what YOUR children, who she does not KNOW are doing.

So the discussion came up the other day with my husband (and for the record- no I'm still not convinced he is going to get laid in 2011 since he decided to start the New Year this way.)

Freedom for the 9 year old on his bike... in our neighborhood.

I had worked up what I thought was a fair AND freedom giving check in schedule... I wanted to PHYSICALLY see him at least twice a day (say a Saturday) and he was to check in once an hour by telephone from whatever buddies house he was at.

My theory was this. I don't know all of his buddies parents yet, I only have a VAGUE idea of where some of them live. I couldn't even tell you what TWO of them look like, and I know for a fact ONE of them is a KNOWN trouble maker.

I wanna know where my kid is, who he is with, and what the heck they are up to.

But I'm not lame...so I settle for "where are ya, and are their parents home? I wanna see you IN my house at 12:30 on the dot, k?"

I didn't and don't consider this overkill. I consider this being a parent. And in all honesty? This is LENIENT by my standards. If it were up to me he wouldn't be going to some of his buddies houses by bike because I consider them too far away. (sheepish grin for sure...I may be a leeeeetle bit like my mama- I just hide it really well)

(and this next line of thought is what got me told that notorious phrase...)

These kids parents could be fuckin serial killers or pedophiles for all I know. On TOP of which, he has been having some issues with his bike lately (the chain broke and now he's thrown the bearings) so he's riding an OLD bike of his that isn't in the best shape until I can get him some new bearings. It's not the SAFEST for him. I wanna make sure he gets to his destinations okay.

And then...I got told that- well...you know... phrase.

And told that I'm a worry wart. Just like my mama...because who the hell just "assumes" that people are pedophiles and serial killers...(for the record I didn't say they WERE- I said they COULD be...he was putting words in my mouth dangit...) and that I was "determined to get his ass kicked" by making him look like a "mama's boy" who has to check in every hour like some "sissy baby..."

The fight continued from there.

I conceded that I may be OVER worrying about him. He is a big boy. Capable of handling himself.

I've ammended my check in policy SLIGHTLY. (He checks in ever two and a half hours in PERSON and calls me if he is changing locations so that I know he's arriving at his friends houses safely.)

However I still resent the implication that I'm as BIG a worry wart as my mama because unlike my husband I realize this isn't 1986 anymore and you can't just RIDE your bike to park without barely a wave to your mama and stay gone until dinner.

Kids get nabbed everyday. People run stop signs in our neighborhood EVERYDAY...and y'all know 9 year old little boys aren't the BEST about looking both ways at intersections.

I'll own up to worrying a lot, like my mother, because that's what a mama DOES. It's ingrained in our nature to worry.

(and had he not meant it as the gravest insult he could muster at the time? I MIGHT have even said thank you- but as it stands he is still totally not getting laid in the near future...)

New Year...No Resolutions

2011-01-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

I've done all the major New Years Resolutions...I WILL lose 20 pounds (after I stuff my face, thighs, and ass with cornbread New Years Day) I WILL quit smoking- after smoking roughly three packs on NYE alone and getting shit tanked... ( I made this resolution about ten years running...until I actually got knocked up with Lil Bit and managed to quit.) I WILL:

quit swearing (hahahahaha)
go to church more often (still working on this one but making good strides there...)
yell less (if people quit screwing up >:()
drink less coffee (psh- wth was I thinking???)
call my mama once a week (I called her twice this weekend...so there...)

I've done it all.

Resolutions are inevitably pointless. That is making a helluva commitment to yourself and everyone else and using the excuse of a "NEW YEAR, NEW ME" to do it.

I'm all for fresh starts. I personally LOVE fresh starts and new beginnings. New Years are GREAT...

Except that let's be REAL- they are usually just like the year before them unless you have a serious "LIFE CHANGING EVENT" that moves your ass into action...a wedding, a birth, a death, and illness...something that challenges your humanity and prompts you to go "Ya know, I'm not gonna do that anymore..." OR "I'm gonna try it this way this time..."

Humans are notorious for being insane...that is trying the same things over and over again and expecting different results. It's cool. It gives us character and seperates us from the apes after all.

However- I got tired of Resolutions years ago...though I doggedly still made them in the hopes that I would "learn from my mistakes..." or make an effort to take better care of myself- if not for me? Then for my kids right?

But this year isn't about ME. We have LOTS of life changing major events coming up in 2011 that we were hoping to hold off on for a few years, but Life happens and there is simply no stopping it.

Literally, life happens. I'm pregnant again. :-) Roughly 13 weeks along this week- which puts new baby here around July.

To say this was surprising to me and Mr. AGU is indeed an understatement- but as with everything we have encountered in our four years together? We roll with it.

We are very good at having major changes land in our lap...assessing the situation- and rolling with it.

Can we change it? Nope- nor would we if we could.

Can we cowgirl/cowboy up, and handle it? Absolutely.

No amount of resolution making, wishful thinking, or sleepless nights are going to make the next year any easier.

Only thing that can change things is us- with a lot of prayer and even more hard work.

So I'm not making any resolutions this year...just a few commitments to myself to try and maintain my sanity- and raise healthy kiddos without sending THEM to the loony bin too.

We are going to wave goodbye to the shit storm that was 2010 and embrace 2011 the same way we do everything else.

Bring it on.

Christmas makes me all sentimental...

2010-12-17T20:34:00.000-08:00

I like to bake around the holidays. Sometimes for no reason other than the smell. When we were growing up it seemed like Mama and Mawmaw had the house smelling like heaven the entire month of December...then later on it was my Daddy with his famous chocolate chip cookies.

Texas Trash, cookies, pies...you name it. We had one sweet smelling house in those days. I've been baking my butt off for the last 24 hours (and plan on doing more of it) because a dear friend of mine is under the weather (cancer...at 28. Pray hard) and I figured that maybe just maybe some sugar cookies and pie would brighten her Christmas a bit.

And it gives me an excuse to bake.

And make Texas Trash- which I don't know why I don't make year round except that it's kinda expensive (Chex is awful proud of their products) and it isn't really PRACTICAL to make homemade spicy chex mix "just because..."

I just love the SMELL of something nice in the oven... Even though my sugar cookies came out like crap this year. ( I made the mistake of buying a mix instead of making them from scratch as usual, not a mistake I intend to make twice.)

At least the house smelled really good while doing it.

It for sure put me in the Christmas spirit, which has been sadly lacking. ( I actually asked Mr. AGU if we could just skip it altogether this year- but then he reminded me we have the Heathens and that isn't really an option...)

Seriously...if you find yourself a bit lackluster this year when it comes to "the spirit"- put on some OLDIES Christmas Carols (Think Sinatra and Nat King Cole) and role up your sleeves and get elbow deep in some cookie dough with your kids...let them cut the shapes and add the icing and sprinkles...I have a full day of this planned for next week and I'm really REALLY looking forward to it.

Just see if it doesn't change your tune a bit :-)

Tell All Tuesdays (on a Friday...shaddup...I know)

2010-11-26T15:08:00.000-08:00

I'm a slacker but in my defense with preparing for the holiday and the millions of midgets rampaging my house it's been a SERIOUSLY busy week.

Here is the THANKSGIVING Tell All Tuesday I meant to post ...but didn't...

5) My favorite dish is cornbread dressing. I wish I had my Nanny Pete's recipe because it was the shiznit. But I will eat it, just to try it, in any form because all kinds are worth trying. It is simply not Turkey Day without Cornbread dressing. My sister and I tried to doctor an atrocious bagged version my mother bought into something edible at our family dinner a few weeks back...it was okay- but not great. Home made is infinately better. We gave it a good try though.

4) My pecan pie is to die for. Literally. I'll toot my own horn about this one. I took my grandmother's recipe (which she never admitted but mom has since confirmed came off the Karo Syrup bottle...) and tweaked it and tortured it into EVEN BETTER pecan pie. That's right. I one-upped the Karo Syrup company, my mawmaw, and my mama. It's good stuff and a holiday favorite here at the AGU house. My mother in law got her feelings hurt my first Thanksgiving with the fam because I had made one and she had made one but hers didn't cook through thoroughly and while I'm sure it would have tasted heavenly if we could have eaten it? My father in law wasn't exactly kind in his survey of it...always felt kinda bad about that. But my pie is pretty damned good, and I'm now in charge of the pecan pie at Thanksgiving.

3) That said living with a diabetic husband kinda cramps my style on Thanksgiving. If it were up to me the entire meal would consist of various forms of pie. I love to bake. Pie is goooooooooood. And yams. Hell I don't know why we just don't give thanks with a giant dessert table. Save a turkey- EAT A PIE!

2) Turkey gives me the most horrific gas. I'll honestly be shocked and amazed if Mr. AGU comes home from work tonight after what I put him through yesterday evening. Po po Mr. AGU.

1) I long for the days I can host Thanksgiving at my own house. I don't ever see this happening but the main thing is I enjoy cooking a lot- as long as I have my plan in place and someone to handle my heathen horde while I cook it.

Regarding crappy movies...

2010-11-21T19:32:00.000-08:00

My husband has made me sit through over the last four years of coupledom...I found the 3 reasons he isn't allowed to pick the movies we watch while moving the DVD racks to make room for the Christmas tree today. (Decorating my house for Christmas takes a small militia...mainly ME, moving the entire living room around JUSTSO to make sure that you can still see the TV and get a nice view of the presents at the same time. It's an art form.)

Anyway. I'm a freak of nature and alphabetize our movies (OCD much?) and had to stare at these 3 atrocities to film several times while putting them in their appropriate places on the shelves across the room from their normal location. (I should say I had to RE-alphabetize everything, have 3 children running helter skelter through my living room daily means that the majority of them get pulled off the shelves at least a million times a day and shoved back willy nilly- I lose sleep over this. Seriously.)

Here are the reasons I've revoked Mr. AGU's movie choosing rights, what's sad is #3 and #2 are actually in his top 5 favorite movies of all time list (po po Mr. AGU...)

3) The Warriors...

For those of you who haven't been "blessed" enough to see this piece of crap? It's like West Side Story meets The Chronicles of Narnia meets Adventures in Babysitting- but subtract any actual talent, a decent and followable plot, and the music sucks ass. The premise is a big gang war is happening these "Warriors" have been framed for killing some head honcho guy at some big gang meeting and have to fight their way home across the city. It's lame. Beyond lame actually. I compare it Adventures in Babysitting because of the gang fight on the Subway- with the exception that those guys were actually worth watching. I just kept dozing off and hoping some of these losers would die. Apparently it's based on a video game. Which we also own. That should tell you everything you need to know about this piece of crap.

2) Bloodsport

Someone told Jean Claude he could act. Oye to tha fricken VEY. I've had to sit through this horrible thing more times than I care to count because I'm a good wife like that but it is seriously bad enough to make ones eyes bleed. I'm all for a good action kung fu movie, as long as it doesn't have crappy acting in it. Unfortunately Jean Claude has never done anything that could be considering GOOD acting so this one was doomed from the start.

1) Shoot Em Up

"It looked so cool in the previews..." that was his excuse. Maybe it did. I dunno. All I know is there is a reason it was in the "5 for 5 dollars!" bin at the Blockbuster that day, and that's because it sucks so horribly I can't even explain it to you properly. All I will say is there is a prostitute that gets put in charge of caring for an orphaned infant because she's a fetish hooker and does the whole "mommy thing" and has excess booby milk or something- there are people climaxing during sex while "shooting em up" because ya know, that's practical...and the antagonist (if memory serves, I really try and forget this movie) is some guy who doesn't want to die so he's having a bunch of women have his babies and jacking the kids healthy organs after he impregnates these random women so he can live. It's ludicrous...

There ya go. The reasons he isn't allowed to so much as go to the Redbox without specific instructions. If you haven't seen any of these- count yourselves among the lucky. Seriously? Go smoke a bowl, you'll lose less braincells than watching "Shoot Em Up"....

HOW did she do that? And why didn't I ask her when she was still here?

2010-11-10T09:45:00.000-08:00

That's my Granny. And she was one in a million.

I'm sitting here in my pit of a house this morning...surrounded by screaming children currently pouring their morning snack all over my living room floor- staring at the 16 or so (wish I was exaggerating) loads of laundry that HAVE to get done in the next 24 hours. And missing my Grandmother beyond belief.

Granny had 9 stair step children, lived on a fairly limited income (they weren't even close to rich, I'll put it that way.) and somehow managed to not go completely insane. By the time I was old enough to appreciate her, she'd survived a few heart attacks, a few wars (in which four of her boys served and came home), the death of her husband and 2 children-even the deaths of a few grandchildren and great grands...and was still optimistic and happy and just an all around lovely person. If she was ever pissed off about the hand life dealt her you wouldn't know it.

I miss her. I need to know how she did it. How she managed to hold down the fort and keep her house and her kids tended. I've heard the "stories," but I need to KNOW how she managed it all!

( According to my Daddy and uncles she ruled that house with an iron fist- she may have only been five foot nothing and a hundred and two pounds but you still won't find a member of my family who would have taken her on on her WORST day.)

Was she ever sad? Was she ever just ready to throw in the towel and say "screw you kids I'm taking a bubble bath?!" Was she ever fed up with the lack of finances? Or did she greet it all with the same grace I saw her handle each of the other life's hardships?

She wasn't perfect. She had a helluva temper- but it was always garnished by a great sense of humor and appreciation for kid's antics. (I still remember how hard she laughed when at 8 years old I stuffed my pockets full of the hard candy wrappers I'd spoiled my dinner with- and how she winked at me and refilled that candy bowl just for me.)

The last time I saw her alive we sat at the kitchen table and just talked for hours. And what's sad is I can't remember much of the conversation. I was just glad to see her. We drank coffee, I smoked (she frowned but didn't yell at me- she had quit several years earlier after her son-in-law passed from lung cancer) and we just enjoyed each other's company.

I was 20 years old- and kick myself for not making more practical use of that time- like how'd you manage to take care of a family that large in hard financial times? What's the best way to get rust off a cast iron skillet without scraping your knuckles to death? How'd you handle keeping that many kids in a small home and keep it clean? Did you assign chores? Did your kids get an allowance or were they just expected to do it without question? How'd you make them all love you like crazy and still whoop their ass every Saturday "just in case" they needed it and you didn't know about it?

Here's to missed opportunities Miss Molly. I miss and love you.

Tell All Tuesdays...

2010-11-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

It's gonna be my new thing...

I haven't been in a Confessional Booth since I was about ...hmmm...well...wow. It's been a minute. At least a decade I'll put it that way.

And since it's been "awhile"... I see no need to trouble a priest trying to enjoy his Saturday afternoon with my trivial crap. Seriously- you know he's kinda hoping no one shows up so he can get back to watching College Football. He's human.

Some of the trivialities I choose not to bother my local Priest with are as follows:

This weeks theme??

TV CONFESSIONS:

5) I don't understand Reality TV. I don't see the draw in it- or the desire to watch it. If I want to see people make asses of themselves I've got plenty of examples sitting in traffic.

4) That said? I love love love Wheel of Fortune. I get antsy when I miss it. It's not reality TV, it's a GAME SHOW. I've adored that show since I was a child- and have actually applied to be on it (more than once) and never been called to audition. I will keep trying though. I have a date with that Wheel one day... (p.s. I'm scary good at it. Really scary good at it...)

3) I watch TVLAND late at night because they play Roseanne and The Nanny in syndication. Some people love crappy reality shows, I love crappy sitcoms from the 80's and 90's. Trust me- my version of fun is FAR more entertaining and family friendly.

2) I think I've mentioned this before in some fashion but when all else fails and there is NOTHING on? Yup...I settle for the kiddo channels. Phineas and Ferb rock. And you KNOW this...

1) My brother and sister are probably going to do some serious eye rolling on this one:

Most of my political education comes from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I try really hard to pay attention during the ACTUAL news where they discuss such things but the regular media is either all the way Left Wing or ALL the way Right Wing and I get frustrated and turn it off.

Tune in next week for Tell All Tuesday

Mama/Auntie Allgrowedup has a new law:

2010-10-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

When you whine incessently because your mom informed me you were up all night being a butt because you're cutting teeth?

You go night night...

When you sit on your sister because you insisted on pushing the block wagon around the living room at warp speed even though Mama told you to stop that and you got mad?

You go night night...

When you throw a fit that lasts 30 minutes because your sister sat on you even though she was there less than 2 seconds and I'm not convinced she hurt you in the least?

You go night night...

Mama/Auntie AGU is going to go clean the house now...enjoy your LONG Looooooooooooong nap. I'll get ya'll up when lunch is ready....if you're nice to me...

The Clutter Monster aka: WHERE DOES ALL THIS CRAP COME FROM???

2010-10-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

Yea. That atrocity to all things decorous used to be my dining room table.

Needless to say, we OBVIOUSLY don't eat there. I wish that I could tell you that this is an isolated incident...but sadly the majority of the available surfaces in my home currently look like this.

It never fails...I spend days and nights (literally, NIGHTS) finding homes for things, putting things away...

(Or, as exampled by the red dish towel on that table- throwing in the towel quite literally and heading to the fridge for wine.)

I'M SICK OF MESS. I'M SICK OF CLUTTER. I'M SICK OF STUFF!!!! 

And despite the appearances I assure you that other than the nail polish remover and one or two other items? NONE OF THAT CRAP ON THE TABLE IS MINE!!!! It's just where I put it because frankly? I don't know what the hell else to DO WITH IT ALL...

The garage is a nightmare (you cannot walk in it) and that is AFTER I went through there not a year ago, bought brand new rubber maids, organized everything, threw away A TON of stuff, and put pretty little labels on all the stuff so that it was easy to find.

Yea...YOU CAN'T WALK IN THERE.

If someone had told me that kids actually got ATTACHED to the stupid toys from McNasty's??? and that...no REALLY...they DO need to keep that broken toy because:

butmamaistilllikeiteventhoughit'sbrokenbutdaddygotmeanewoneANYWAY???

Yea... I would definitely have just gotten rid of all of my own worldly possessions to make room for all of THEIR crap.

(Oh wait...I kinda already DID...)

I've come up with a plan of action...and it quite seriously involves taking everything in this house that isn't directly related to paying the bills and either selling it or trashing it in the next month. ( I'd get rid of ALL of it...but Mr. AGU might get mad if I threw out the checkbook and the insurance papers on the house...)

I'm giving myself a month to de-clutter, de-trash, and prepare for the mother of all yard sales.

(And if ya think I'm not crazy enough to throw a for sale sign on that piece of shit trailer then you really ought to re-read a few of these blog posts)

Kids say the Damndest Things

2010-10-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hubs: Nephew! Get off that chair you're going to fall baby!

Lil Bit: (munchin on cereal...) ya!!! gedown!!!

Nephew: (giggles and keeps climbing)

Hubs: (BEST DADDY VOICE:) YOUNG MAN GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!!!

Lil Bit: (tosses glance over her shoulder at cousin...) Dude...you are SO gonna get a spanking.... geddown FOOL!

(These are the days I wish that my video camera were always charged...)

So I want a big family? So WHAT?

2010-10-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started watching my nephew I've been met with a myriad of interesting comments when we get out and about in public.

I imagine we make quite a sight! Me, pushing the double stroller containing my Tid Bit and Nephew, with Lil Man pushing the umbrella stroller containing Lil Bit, and off we go. This is after a carefully choreographed routine of getting everyone OUT of the truck, and into said strollers. Trust me, I have it down to an art form.

But in this day and age of people forgetting their manners you'd be shocked and amazed at how many people say things either to me directly, or just close enough to where I can hear them- about the size of my family.

Does it matter to them that

a) 2 of these children are not of my loins?

No, apparently not. They are clearly of the opinion that it IS actually possible to have 3 children under the age of 2 in a span of 18 months that AREN'T multiples and/or premature. (Love how people are good at math)

or

b) That even if all 4 children WERE birthed by me, that their opinions simply weren't necessary, and are, in fact, down right rude?

Again, apparently not. People are quite often QUICK to tell me what they think of my large family.

Here are just a FEW of the lovely assumptions/statements people make when they see us about.

"YOU KNOW WHAT CAUSES THAT RIGHT?"
- This one usually comes from people that know me, and are just learning of Tid Bit's birth because they are SUCH good friends like that, they didn't know I was pregnant last year. They also are quick to assume it was an accident with this statement. Why YES I happen to know that SEX causes babies. My husband and I love each other and CHOSE to have another baby. She wasn't a "happy accident," She was well thought out and planned for and I wouldn't change a thing.

"SHE'S BEEN BUSY"
-Usually strangers, under their breaths, and more often than not accompanied by a disgusted look. Ummm...since when are kids a bad thing? And yes... I HAVE been busy. It's called being a mother asshats.

"YOU TRYING TO GET A REALITY SHOW?"
-No. I have no desire to be Michelle Duggar. Though I do have a lot of respect for that woman because how she had that many without going batcrap crazy is a marvel to me. Look at Kate Gosselin...batcrap crazy with only half the kids...

"YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD FOR HAVING THAT MANY"
-According to Mr. AGU this is supposedly a compliment. I consider it a backhanded compliment because people are implying that I look good for having had FOUR children, when in reality I've only had 2. In any case I look pretty frickin hot for having had 2...so they can bite my flabby ass.

"YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD COLLEGE FOR THEM ALL."
-Yea...I'm not one of those parents that plans my family around the cost of higher education. If my kids (HOWEVER many we decide to have) want to go, we will make it happen. But I'm not going to deny my family the joys of children based on what MIGHT happen in 18 years. I don't care if they work at Walmart or become Brain Surgeons, as long as they are happy hard working individuals. I have an overpriced college education myself and ended up a Stay at Home Mom who has no desire or inclination to use her degree- so why would I worry myself about the cost of college when they might not even WANT to go. Hubster and I have savings set aside in case they do, but we aren't going to plan a family around it.

"SOOO...ya'll are done, RIGHT?"
-Again, usually folks who know me but haven't seen me in awhile. To be honest Mr. AGU and I AREN'T sure that we are done, but we AREN'T sure that we want more just yet. We plan on waiting a few years and then deciding. We know our family is perfect for us right now, and we may feel like adding another bundle of joy in a few years- but then maybe not.

I just want to know WHAT happened to the large family in America? Why are the Duggars and the Gosselin's so looked down upon (other than for obvious reasons with the latter...I mean sheesh)

My Dad was one of NINE children, and my inlaws each come from families of NINE and TEN children.

In our parent's generation it was very uncommon NOT to have at least 6 siblings, and a family of FIVE was considered small...

So what changed? Why are my desires to be a mom of 4 so unrealistic?

The Mightiness of Mighty Midget

2010-10-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

So I've been absent from all things internet related for roughly 4 days now. (My poor lil farm animals on FB...probably starved to death. psh)

But that's because my wee bebe came down sick, and we've been in the hospital since Thursday night.

Oddly enough, I was able to tear myself away tonight (though I've sent my husband a text every hour since I left...I'm sure he's LOVING that) because I missed my house I claim to hate so much, and my kids who drive me crazy so much...and now that I know she's okay it seems more appropriate to take a little me time.

That said: the back story about the toughest damn baby ever born.

Wednesday afternoon the kids and I were playing in the back yard, and my mighty midget was rolling around on a blanket in the grass. We were only out there a short time because the mosquitos got really bad, but a good time was had by all.

Around bed time I was changing the baby's diaper and noticed what appeared to be a small ant bite just above her groin area. She also had another on the back of her leg, and another on her ankle. Hmmm...meanie bugs biting my heathen? Bastards. I put some hydrocortisone on it to keep her from worrying it and went to bed. But she was fussy. INCREDIBLY fussy. In fact she ended up in the bed with me the majority of Wed. night. (highly unusual)

Thursday morning started out normal, nephy poo arrived as my girls were waking up. Hubster was asleep, Lil Man was off to school. I went to change the baby again and the bitty bite from the night before was the size of a silver dollar, swollen and purple, and hard. She was also running fever. I dressed everyone quickly, told hubs what was up...and off we ran to the pediatrician.

Pediatrician says it's an infected bite, prescribed antibiotics, said to monitor it's size and he would like us back in a week to see how it does.

Okey dokey. Fast forward five hours later and the baby won't quit screaming. Even alternating motrin and tylenol every four hours I can't get her fever to go below 103, and the bite has grown to two inches on each side of the line the doctor had me draw around it.

Off to the ER we run...with my sister in law coming to the rescue to get my other two kiddos.

And there we've been ever since... having massive amounts of antibiotics pumped into my wee bitty baby.

All things considered she's handling this pretty well. I know if I had a big ole staph infected bug bite on MY hoohah? I would NOT be in such a good mood. But that just goes to show you that kids are so much tougher than we think. Once her fever broke she's been a completely different kid. Much more her old self, and doesn't act like the bite hurts overly much. (It HAS to hurt...but the time we got to the ER it was the size of her Daddy's fist, and even after 72 hours of antibiotics it's shrunk, but not THAT much.)

We are still in the hospital because the doctor is hesitant to lance the abcess unless he has to, when the antibiotics really are doing a good job of reducing the infection.

But I want my baby well, and home.

Words & Phrases I Over Use

2010-09-28T21:46:00.000-07:00

I MUST over use them because there is nothing more eye opening than having a parrot for a 2 year old who repeats your every action back to you in creepy pint size mirror form....Now IS there?

5) That's Right.

I say it. I type it. It's part of my everyday lexicon. When wanting to confirm other's thoughts for them (or what I think they should be thinking) I employ a "thaaaaaaaaaaat's right- go take out the trash" or "thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's right....get your tookus in the corner young lady..." or "thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's right...keep telling yourself that..."

It's a very useful phrase.

4) Dammit.

Usually followed by a list of parental excuses to my kids as to why they can't say that. My Shadow isn't so understanding. I use this one a lot. Really need to quit that. Dammit.
(While we are on the subject of my potty mouth. SHIT.Generally either precedes or follows Dammit. I almost always find myself saying this after I've discovered the latest art project on my carpet, couch, or even better? The hubster's recliner. Did I mention her artistic element of choice is usually food and drink? It's justified swearing I assure you.)

3) I'm just sayin...

... (ya gotta throw the ellipses in there, because that indicates the awkward pause while the other party tries to comprehend what I'm just sayin.)

2)  Ridiculous.

Or in the way of the Shadow? "das didiculous..." Apparently things are often ridiculous in my house- but I will say this for myself. It's a lot better than what's actually running through my mind which is usually "That's pretty f@#$ed up."

1) Seriously (?)

It's always followed by a question mark. I never noticed how much I say this phrase until a friend pointed out to me years and years ago that people thought I was copying Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy. NOT so much. I've always taken the phrase quite seriously. Seriously.

NOW....just in case you're wondering what the average day in MY house is like? (and you know you are.) Let's put this in practical form of conversation...

MAMA AGU: (walks in and discovers a mess) Ah Shit. DAMMIT! Heathen? SERIOUSLY? This is RIDICULOUS! I mean... I know you're playing and all but come ON? I'm just sayin maybe use a pretend bottle for your baby dolls instead of dumping your sippy cup on Elmo?! That's Right- get a towel kiddo. We have a mess to clean up!

This list can also be combined with the litany of parental phrases my Mama-hood forces me to use on a daily basis. Examples are:

Go to the corner-
(I have a 2 year old- this gets said almost as often as Dammit.)

No-
(Ditto)

Stop that-
(Tripto)

Do I you want a spanking?
(Quadrupto)

Do you understand me?
(So lately Heathen #2 has taken to saying this back to me when she's fussing at me for something...I've even caught her fussing at her baby dolls and asking them if they understand her. The funny thing is that since she's still a toddler and her speech is all wishy washy it comes out "you stand me?" Nothing funnier than a kid no one understands asking everyone if they understand her...gotta love it.")

Epic Spousal Fail

2010-09-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

I really did it today. Oof.

So the day did NOT start out well. Potty training is a biznitch and since I don't sleep well when my hubster is on the night shift I was up until close to 4 am, and up by 7 with the girls. And did I mention potty training is a biznitch?

So after multiple accidents on my daughter's part today (I say accidents...she flat out peed on my living room floor on purpose ARGH!) and the instance where she felt the need to walk into the bedroom and wake up her Daddy to inform him of her many travesties against her minnie mouse underoos...

I was ready for my afternoon break.

Confession: About 2 months ago I picked up a nasty habit I'd let go with my pregnancies. I on occassion still have a cigarette. Yes I know, bad Allgrowedup.

In any case, my afternoon break was uneventful, with the exception that I opted to go to our back porch instead of the front porch-

(need a reminder why??)

because looking at those travel trailers is enough to make me drink midday, and I'm trying to DE-STRESS, not add to my reasons to harm my liver and lungs.

Fast forward 2 hours and the TV shuts off. Hmmmm...okey dokey. Tripped breaker. I alert Mr. AGU and we get to work fixing the problem (I hold flashlight while he deals with breakers.) It's a no go. All the breakers are working but the one that controls my kitchen (GASP) and my TV which shares a wall with the kitchen (DOUBLE GASP.)

Mr. AGU surmises that the breaker is broken and will need to be replaced. One issue. I KNOW I smell something burning. I smell something burning and it's stressing me out. My husband informs me that it's just residual smell and will fade in a few hours, just to keep my nose peeled in case it gets worse and I need to alert the fire department.

Okey dokey, can do.

Fast forward another hour, girls are settled down to dinner. I go to the garage to inspect my washer and dryer (consequently, NOT working) and the smell is overpowering.

Head to the back porch and discover this:

In case you're having trouble deciphering that hot mess...That USED to be a trash can. That's right. I melted a trashcan with what I thought was a stubbed out cigarette...the said trash can was near an extension cord that connects our outdoor refrigerator to the house. Hence the blown breaker.

We apparently had a full blown fire raging on the back porch for a few hours and were both too wrapped up in getting the TV to work to notice. (Thank God I'm a paranoid freak of nature right?)

Also melted: Our ladder golf set, a lawn chair, and an old laundry hamper we use to collect toys from the backyard during lawn work.

More importantly, that extension cord. The one that connects the outdoor fridge to the house.

So now that fridge doesn't work. Which wouldn't really be an issue (We don't use it much) if it weren't for the contents of the freezer. See hubs is a fisher and hunter...and on top of all of his bait (ew) being in the freezer...there is also a bobcat he killed a few years back and just hasn't gotten to the taxidermist yet.

That's right. I said bobcat.

You've seen Pet Cemetary right???

Mr. AGU informs me I will have to remove the "thing" and either bury it or find a legal way to dump it before it defrosts...

Ummm...how bout NO? I attempted it but got the heebies and gave up. He can deal with that in the morning. I might be at fault for almost catching the house on fire but I'll be damned if I'm the one that has a frozen animal in the freezer! If he chooses to bury it the frickin cat can come back and haunt HIS ass...Thank you very much.

So that's my epic spousal fail. On a scale of 1-10 in shit days I think this was an 11.

I think it goes without saying that I've quit smoking again. Nothing like near homelessness and possible harm to your children to get your mind right, right?

You know come to think of it...

2010-09-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

This ISN'T my first attempt at blogging. Many a year ago when MySpace first came out and it was ALL the rage, I had a blog for less than three months. And it was cool, people actually read it, commented on it...
Then one girl loved it so much she literally stole it. Down to the title of it.

I quit the blog right then. (Though with a scathing comment on the new girl's blog that only my Cajun ass coulda delivered with a smile and a wink just for the computer screen- don't lie, you know you make faces at yours too...)

It was called "Things I'm a whore for..." and it was just lists of things I could NOT live without at the time. I covered everything from things I HAD to buy, to my love of a weekly bubble bath, to my favorite nail polish color.

NOTE: I wasn't actually out whoring for these things, the title was ironic- though I suppose if you were to ask a certain sub-section of South East Texas Society what they thought of me at the time I'm sure the word "whore" would come up in some circles- and to those circles? Me back then would have to tell ya, don't hate. Not my fault God blessed me with a kick ass body, at the time a damn good job with loads of money to blow, and a winning personality. smooches. right here. On my buttox. kthxbai.

ANYWAY...talk about digression (I'm known for it. Ask my family) I had a lot of fun doing that blog...but it seems like a rather inappropriate title for a mother of three doesn't it? Mama Allgrowedup doesn't have much time (or funds...let's face it...kids are expensive lil shits...) to be much of a whore for material things.

BUT if I had to pick a few things I'm a bit of a whore for nowadays?

They would be as follows:

Hairbows. God love my baby girls I've got a damn obsession. The little one doesn't even have that much hair yet and she has a hairbow holder full of them...It's a little pathetic but I adore it. This is Texas darlin's...and if you don't have enough hair to have BIG hair...then you need a big ole bow now don't ya?

Yellow Box Shoes. I'm a convert. At first I could NOT understand why people were spending 40 dollars on flip flops. Sure they were cute, but seriously? $40.00 for Flip flops is stupid. Then some folks got me some for my birthday. Holy Heaven are the COMFORTABLE. I'm talking it's like walking on clouds people. AND if you're smart, you can find them on sale for about 11 bucks occassionally! (Cute as they are I'm still not spending forty frickin dollars on a pair.) I have this pair in silver now too... My feet likey.

Tony's Cajun Seasoning. I've tried a million of them. Much to my husband's dismay (NOT to mention his ulcer, po po cher' bebe) I've still never found anything to compare to Tony's. When you're cooking cajun you need to have the complete package in a tiny green container. I sprinkle this on my french fries...it's THAT GOOD.

Need I say more? Try and pretend you're not. I bet we're already friends. I bet you're already harvesting some corn on my farm... and I'm WILLING to bet you're doing it from you're Iphone. I'm not cool enough for one of those yet...but a girl can dream.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love me some entertainment television.

Especially this hooker. Can I BE her when I grow up please? Sigh. No I can't. I hate Vodka. Damnit.

Well that's it for the present moment. It goes without saying that these are things that I just happen to thoroughly enjoy and make me happy. Or at least entertain me when I'm having a bad case of insomnia and incredibly bored. (re: facebook)

Happy Saturday!

S@#! my Spouse does...

2010-09-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ever have your day royally blown to crap and back by your spouse? Everyone does right...it's not just me.

So Mr. Allgrowedup totally blew my day to crap and back.

I've been prancing around the house the last few days in a wicked awful mood, slaying anyone in my path with a look because of who knows why...I just wasn't to be messed with.

And I decide "I'm gonna have a better day today..."

The children are behaving moderately well, it's almost the weekend...it can't be that bad.

Then Mr. Allgrowedup drops the bomb on me.

The new travel trailer is arriving...today.

Me: So the old one is leaving today right? (does happy dance)

Mr.AGU: No baby, I have to talk to my brother about when I can bring it to his place.

Me: (crestfallen) Soooo...where are you going to put the new one?

Mr.AGU: In the driveway honey, you're gonna have to park on the street for the next week or two.

Me: wha???

Mr. AGU: Sorry honey, but if it makes you feel better the new one is going up to the lease one day next week, so you will be back to your parking spot before you know it.

Me: So there are going to be TWO fugly travel trailers in my driveway???

Mr. AGU: Sorry honey.

Me: (walks out of room and closes self in bathroom to throw shit and cry a little)

The upside? The old travel trailer totally hides the skull grafitti on the NEW one from the street, so the neighbors won't think we are satanic crazy people...just crazy people that like to collect travel trailers.

How very lovely.

My Life is Lame

2010-09-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

Which is PROBABLY why I have such a difficult time thinking of things to blog about. But according to my bestie I'm quite entertaining and perhaps should rethink this blog thing and post more often. So I figure, well, lists work for a lot of people so I'll try lists...but my lists are lame. Then I think, well I could always complain about Mr. Allgrowedup, or the kids...but lots of folks do that and it got old really quickly. So then I'm like, stories from my past? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot OVER, what DO I write about?

So that's where the blog has lead...I'm going to start this post with the top ten reasons my life is lame. It may very well include complaints about the fam and stories from my past. Enjoy.

10) I get excited by staying on budget at the grocery store. That's right. I count my few pennies down to the half cent and throw a celebration in the checkout line that makes the Playboy Mansion look like a Library when I come in under budget.

9) I get one date with my husband once every six months or so. We always go to a casino where we inevitably split up because we have different tastes in gambling choices. I like slots, he likes roulette. Ahhhh...romance.

8) I sport cut off sweat pants covered in paint from a Summer Stock Theatre program I did in college and actually ask myself daily "Does this make my butt look big?" because asking my husband such a silly question will get a retort along the lines of "Something needs to..." leave it to a man to exploit my self esteem issues about my non existant ass.

7) I dress my kids to the nines to run to the corner store. Gotta do something to fill the hours in the day, and my girls are hella cute rocking their hairbows in their car seats while Mommy runs in for beer and Dr. Pepper.

6) I use Facebook as an educational tool for my 2 year old. That's right. My kid learned her farm animal sounds from a game on Facebook. Who needs a See-n-Say when you have live action cartoon cows that you can feed?

5) My TV is on Nick Jr. just about 24/7...even after the kids fall asleep. I'm too lazy to change it and besides I missed this episode of Yo Gabba Gabba while I was preparing lunch...Gotta see what my Boy DJ Lance is up to today.

4) I spent a ridiculous amount of time handmaking the kiddos and myself shirts to sport at my son's soccer games. Hand glued rhinestones and a the never ending search for that shirt that was JUST the right color to match his team.

3) I really like the Kardashian's. Not gonna follow their tweets or anything but I'd totally get drunk with those crazy bitches. And Lady Gaga...MAN to be a fly on the wall when that woman is writing a song... can you imagine "I think I will write about a guy named Alejandro...while wearing a meat bikini and fighting against Don't Ask Don't Tell..."

2) If it comes on E! It must be fact. Just sayin.

AND the number one reason my life is lame:

1) I've spent the last six months plotting on how to get this fugly ass travel trailer Mr. Allgrowedup bought out of my driveway, and other than turning it into scrap metal I'm really fresh out of ideas that won't get the law called on me. I'm open to suggestions.

(No really the piece of shits gotta go... someone help me figure it out...I don't have a lot of brain cells left to waste on that particular project.)

Why we work...

2010-07-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

When I got married many questioned my motives. (That was annoying) Even more questioned my sanity. (That was amusing) and still more questioned my choice.

At first, that last one made me pretty mad...until I looked at "us" on paper. At first glance we shouldn't work...I mean REALLY shouldn't work. I'll break it down for you:

Lets go back a few years to the days of old:

In Highschool the hubster partied hard, I rarely left the house. He was smart, and somehow pulled really good grades (while being high as a kite and annoying all of his teachers) I usually had my nose in a book because even though I'm intelligent, I'm one of those that has to push really hard in certain areas (ick...math) He had green hair and was obsessed with Pink Floyd, I was a cheerleader who was obsessed with musical theatre. When he graduated he went straight into the workforce (and his first marriage, parenthood, and all the trimmings) When I graduated I went straight off to college and a degree, struggling to become allgrowedup.

Needless to say we didn't run in the same circles back in the day. (Though as irony would have it, my best friend dated his best friend for years post High School, we didn't meet for YEARS after)

Even now, we are so very different it's hysterical. I currently obsess and worry over niggly details that no one cares about but me, while he has a much more relaxed "take it as it comes" attitude towards life. He's good with money, I'm decidedly NOT. He's covered in tattoos, I've never had the courage to get even one. I LOVE to read, and wish I had more time to do so- he can't stand books, and doesn't understand why ANYONE would read anything they didn't have to. I'm religious and try to attend services (though not nearly as often as I should) he isn't so sure there's much to believe in in that respect, much less enough of a "something" to entice him to spend his Sunday mornings practicing "Catholic aerobics" as he terms it. I think there are certain things you just DO for your family BECAUSE they are your family, he thinks that family or not respect has to be earned and no bloodline should require you to do anything you don't want to.

And yet, we have a really solid marriage, friendship, and all around life together. I admit it- it makes no sense. We are really a case of opposites attract.

But something happened the other day that makes me go "see...people don't get it THAT'S why we work..."

I saw a billboard advertising the Houston showing of the Broadway tour for "Wicked..." and while I'm dying to go, I didn't say anything because I noticed the dates are on his birthday. The ONLY weekend it's playing is of COURSE on his birthday. So we traveled along, and he says "Hey baby, did you see that billboard back there for that show?" (hmmm) "Sure did, why?"

"You wanna go?"

Now- he saw the dates too...and when I explained to him that that is one of his only days off for the next three weeks, not to MENTION his birthday his response was "I've been wanting to take you to a show for a long time...can't think of a better way to spend my birthday than putting a smile on your face and giving you an excuse to wear a pretty dress...I like it when you wear dresses..."

His birthday, doing something I know he really could care less about, all to see me dressed up and smiling?

I gots me a keeper.

Granted, we probably won't make that show (have you SEEN the ticket prices...jimminy CRICKETS!) but the fact that he even offered shows me just how good I've got it...and he did it without my pulling any of the "usual" female tricks of hints and guilt.

Our happiness stems from the fact that each of us makes sacrifices and compromises daily JUST to see the other one smile...and that is why WE work.

I wasn't always a grown up...

2010-07-02T18:15:00.001-07:00

For some reason all the rain this week, and my ever growing brood of Heathens has made me nostalgic. The kids are growing up too fast, and Lil Bit is so much like me that it's pretty scary. (Right down to the drama...which leads me to this post.)

She was throwing herself a good hissy tonight over some awful transgression her infant sister somehow did...(ya know...sitting in mama's lap getting fed...how horrible of her...) and her feelings were hurt.

Listening to the rain while looking at that expression on her red tear stained face made me think of an 8 year old me...sitting on a park bench in the rain thinking of how unfair life was while crying my eyes out over some imagined insult my brother and sister had committed.

My family refers to this as the time I "ran away from home..."

Granted- it's not like I ran anywhere EVER. I hate running. I distinctly remember jogging briskly for less than 100 yards and walking at a slow sulky pace the rest of the 2 blocks to the park. It was barely sprinkling and I kept thinking "They'll be sorry they were so mean...I'm never going back...NOT EVER..."

Now, as any kid that has ever ran away from home can tell you, the main point of running away is to make someone come looking for you. (duh)

Of course my mother knew I'd left the house (the siblings were quick to tell her that I was having a "moment" and had taken off faster than anyone had ever seen me move (sad but true) heading toward the park. I wasn't there, but I imagine my mother laughed.

So I sat there...sitting under the trees while it sprinkled bitty summer rain drops on me on the (new at the time) swing....waiting for someone to come.

And I waited.

And I waited.

(what seemed like an eternity to me was probably less than 20 minutes...but lets face it to a kiddo that's a lifetime...)

I'd just about given up hope (and was about to give in to my rumbling tummy as it was close to dinner time when I took off) when I saw my brother and sister...trudging down the street in righteous indignation (the way only kids of 11 and 6 years old can...) shouting "Chhhhhhhhhhhhelseaaaaaaaaa....mama says get your butt home right now or you're in BIG trouble..."

I sat there...fairly stubbornly until they got closer...then gave up and went home.

No one ever apologized for being mean, and I got a tongue lashing from my mama about running off without telling a grown up (even looking back- pretty sure it was one of those tongue in cheek speeches and she and Daddy had a good laugh over it later- I know that everyone has a good laugh over it at every holiday dinner when the story gets retold...)

and I find myself wondering- How do I steel my kids against hurt feelings? My parents method was a bit of tough love and a lot of "get over it..." (or my Daddy's favorite phrase to my drama "save it for the stage"...) but it didn't sink in to me until I was...well, allgrowedup. That you just can't let little everyday petty crap hurt your heart. Is this a lesson that my kids will have to learn the hard way? Will they be naturally tough like their Daddy? (though I will say for all my husband's tough exterior he has a gooey center) How do I explain to them that in reality, there is very little in the world worth getting your feelings hurt over?

Interesting questions...I remember being just heartbroken sitting on that bench on two counts...a) whatever it was my siblings had done to piss me off and b) WHY was it taking so long for someone to come after me? And while it certainly seems silly to me now I cried myself to sleep over it that night thinking no one in my family loved me very much.

I'm sure I'll contribute to some heartbreak in my children's lives...and I'm quite certain that most of it will be completely unintentional...but what about instances like mine? Where it's necessary to hurt a bit to strengthen a lot? How will I handle that?

A letter to the "school line"

2010-04-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dear other inhabitants of the school drop off and pick up line:

Hi there. It's me, the big black bus that waits patiently in line with all the other oversized over priced domestic suv's in this horrendous line most every afternoon between 2:45 pm and 3:45 pm...and for those of you who are "green" to the process and how it works? I'm the one with the temper who has absolutely no qualms about rolling her window down and letting you know exactly what I think of you....see all those other moms? the one's giving me a good three feet of space on each side of my vehicle?...they have probably felt my wrath in the past...as have most of the incompetant people who send the kids to the cars each day... I'm not to be toyed with so lets heed the following guidelines and no one will get hurt...especially you in the brand new mazda suv...that's right...I saw you...but we'll get to you later...

Rule number one: There are no cell phones allowed in the school ZONE anymore...much less the school pick up LINE...do not think you are clever by simply holding the cell phone lower than your window...your vehicle is otherwise unoccupied and you are TALKING...with no ear piece in...with one hand conspicuosly lower than the other in the car...now last I checked? I'm the only crazy bitch who hears voices in this line...that job is taken thank you very much. Enjoy your 2 hundred dollar fine...because I'll be tattling on you to the crossing gaurd in a minute. Why? I don't like your face. That's why. And the fact that you think you're better than everyone and don't have to follow the rules or the clearly posted signs... LIKE SAY THE SPEED LIMIT....WHICH brings me to

Rule #2:The posted speed limit is 20. Not 40-80, and most certainly NOT fucking ZERO. If we all keep moving at a gentle pace people tend to get less aggravated because all that start fucking stop nonsense just pisses type a personalities like me the fuck off... I have no patience for you and your "but suzie can't get her shoes in that two inch puddle there and is currently throwing a king sized hissy fit (true story...witnessed today) about said precious shoes so I must STOP THE CAR...PUT IN IT PARK...(WE AREN'T ANYWHERE NEAR THE PICKUP POINT LADY...) AND WALK THE 300 YARDS TO SAID PRISSY BITCH WHO CAN'T GET HER KEDS SLIGHTLY DAMP...PICK HER UP, AND CARRY HER SAID 300 YARDS AGAIN....back to your car.... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME LADY? Your fucking spoiled brat (a SECOND GRADER MIND YOU) just caused a 150 car TRAFFIC JAM on a major road way...and next time you do that, could you at least break Rule #3 like the rest of the goons who can't follow the rules? SHEESH bitch ...

Rule #3The field. It is a soccer field, sometimes baseball practice field. It is large, it is grassy, and it sometimes used for emergency parking during school programs where there are lots of folks expected. What it is NOT is a fucking demolition derby you goddamn morons!!! People's babies cut across that field to get HOME...and you have made it the most challenging thing ever by your attempts to CUT the fucking LINE and drive like fucking maniacs across the field...to cut the people off at the front of the line (they seriously do this...daily....) I've called the cops on a few of you...that's right...when you almost hit my neighbor's boy that day? I'm the reason you got pulled over two seconds later because I took down your license plate number and reported you for reckless driving across a fucking field in a school zone no less. Grow a fucking brain, and some patience for the love of pete. No wonder our children have no manners and fights break out over people cutting in the damn lunch line! you can't wait ten minutes to pick up fucking pouty ass haywood or whatver the fuck you named him... you have to throw it in four wheel drive and off road over other people's children to make sure he doesn't have to wait one more solitary second in the shady covering provided by the school with all the other overly spoiled brats.... gimme a fucking break.

These are simply rules. all to better the chances that each of our kids actually make it to the car ALIVE... so how about we do this? say ya'll follow the rules....and I don't go to jail for kicking the shit out of you when you actually fuck up and hurt somebodies kid....remember...I hear voices...and they all don't like you....or your face.....

So she's here...and I'm still a bit surprised

2010-04-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

March 16th, 2010 at 5:05 pm our family was blessed with a new arrival. We shall call her "Tid Bit."

It went kinda like this:

So I woke up in a FANTASTIC mood- no clue why. Just DID. I played online, dropped the kids off at school, ran to the grocery store, started a pot roast...all before 8 o'clock. Came home to get my shower- and the hot water heater isn't working.

Hmmmm...oh well. Nothing was spoiling my good mood. I took a "pirates" bath, got dressed, kissed the hubs and headed off to my appt.

En route to the doc I started to have some back aches. I shrugged them off because to be honest? I've had back pain the last week and contractions for the last two- so I'm not particularly caring at this point.

In my head I've already decided how the appt. is going to go, and I'm making my to do list for the afternoon. (House cleaning mostly) and planning to repaint my nails that night, etc.

Get there...and the pressure in my lower back is increasing. Hmmm. Hurts a lot actually. Oh well. Again- NOT getting my hopes up... I pee in the cup, tell them I'm still having contractions but no biggy, get wieghed. Tell the nurse about the pressure in my back, and go wait for another 30 min. in the waiting room until an exam room opens up.

They call my name, I go to walk down the hall...and apparently the look on my face concerned my nurse because she asked me
"C- how close are they?
"Me: "what? the back pains- eh, I dunno. It's pretty constant at this point. Didn't think much of it to time it to be honest..."
Nurse: "uh huh--- bottoms off I'm getting the doctor."
Me: "uhh. k"
Doc: "lets check you out- how close are the contractions?"
Me: "haven't really had any today- just that back pain I was telling the nurse about?"
Doc: "you're at a 3- and something is telling me that's not back pain. I want you to head to L & D NOW. I'll meet you over there in an hour or so to check on you."
Me: "do I have time to run to the house and pick up my husband?"
Doc: "I don't want you driving that far. The hospital is across the street so that should be ok. Go NOW. L can meet you there- want us to call him for you?"
Me: "uhhh...no? I can call him."

(at this point I'm scratching my head. It's JUST a backache people! I've HAD labor pains before and this ISN'T labor damnit- quit fucking with my head- teasing me is NOT funny at this point.)

No really- I'm a bit upset because I think going to the hospital is a waste of time. The contractions I'm supposedly having don't feel like contractions to me- it's a constant pain in my back. And if I'm just at a 3 and NOT contracting? Well they are gonna send me home. I'm mad- but I call the hubs anyway and tell him to meet me up there even though I think this is STUPID.

So I get there- get hooked up to all the machines. I'm pissed because it's SUPER crowded and I feel like I'm taking up a bed and wasting everyone's time- just to get sent home. Nurse comes in to check on me after an hour or so and her eyes go wide when she looks at the monitor
Nurse: "You okay honey? you're so...quiet..." (keep in mind i'm still in L & D triage, so there is a lot of moaning and groaning going on around me from other curtained areas)
Me: "I'm okay. So can I go home now?"
Nurse: "sweety- your contractions are 2-3 minutes apart...and look like they are painful as hell... you're not going ANYWHERE. You're having a baby today."

Me: "you fuckin with me?"

Nurse: (laughs insanely) noooo not so much. here, I'll show you what I mean. (rolls me off my back and to my side to help me sit up...watches the monitor- then tells me to stand and walk...) Me: ohhhhhhhhh- yup. that's familiar. So I just couldn't feel them because you guys had me on my back and it's mostly back labor I guess?
Nurse: Yup. (laughs more) we'll get you into a room shortly. Dr. will be here in a few to check on you.

From there it's a bit of a whirlwind...they broke my water at 1- contractions got good but I was okay. Didn't actually WANT the epidural when they gave it to me because I was feeling okay. In pain, but could handle it ya know? But if I didn't get it THEN I wasn't going to...and I'm all about some epidural towards the end of labor. That was around 3:30 or so, and I also got a pitocin drip because I was still at a 4 and doc wanted to get things moving.Sooooo...fast forward to 4:30. I think my epidural has quit working. The contractions are right on top of each other and I can't breath...to top it all off my mother arrives just in time to see me burst into tears and to order my husband to go find the nurse because my epidural isn't working, and if it's not going to work I want the damn needle out of my back NOW. (My call button was broken.)

My mother starts patronizing me so I threaten to hit her if she doesn't shut up because she starts telling me "it can't be THAT bad honey- you aren't throwing things yet or hitting people like I did with you..."

Me: "doesn't mean I'm not fucking thinking it mom. Now quit admiring my restraint and leave me alone already."

Hubs comes back in with the nurse, who is concerned since I think the epi isn't working (we had had equipment problems earlier in the evening) she checks the machine, which is fine, and then checks me.... and promptly busts out laughing.

Nurse: "Honey there isn't a damn thing wrong with your epidural. You're complete...it's time to push... THAT'S why it hurts that bad."

Me: "are you fucking with me?" (note: this is kinda the key phrase all day)

Nurse: (busts out laughing) noooo...and we're close so let me call the doctor.

From there it's just a matter of minutes...it literally went by THAT fast. The nurse had to get onto the hubster because he had me laughing so hard Gabby was thisclose to being born on the floor And, quite literally, my doc walked in in time to catch her.

One push. and my baby was here....and that is almost as surreal as birthing a kid during a hurricane evacuation- now ain't it?

why am I still pregnant?

2010-03-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

Technically my due date is not for another 7 days.

This is unacceptable to me. I've been contracting for 9 days...and have only dialated to a 1?!

That's just ludicrous.

I fully believe that women should be given SOME kind of decision making ability this close to the end...but nooooooooooooooooooooooooo the doctor is all " it'll be okay...just keep going on and we're gonna let you progress naturally..."

ummm...or you could give me a pitocin drip and get this labor moving and get this kid the hell outta me before I fly into a crazy pregnany lady hormonal homicidal rage?

hmmm? mr. doctor man?

Okay. Done whining. To be honest all of this business wouldn't be THAT bad if the kids I have already weren't sick.

That's right...they are sick. The shadow is super sick actually... We THOUGHT she was all better, and BAM...'AHAHAAHAHAHA...FOOLED YOU!'

Fever is back.

My boy has allergies for days, and a cough that would drive the most patient woman in the world (which have I mentioned I'm ummm. not?) absolutely bat shit crazy.

Who would like to wajer how many days ago mama allgrowedup went bat shit crazy? :-D

I don't wanna play anymore...

2010-03-05T07:23:00.000-08:00

Day FOUR of contractions. 20-25 minutes apart...not strong enough to dialate me...but certainly strong enough to take the wind out of my sails.

To top it off, my lil bit has come down with RSV. (For you non parenting folks...that's a fairly contagious upper respiratory viral infection that hits the pre-k age kids pretty hard, and runs through daycares and schools like wildfire.)

Normally, no biggy. Unless I actually go into labor...at which point we are ...well.

Fucked.

Lil bit will be contagious for at least another 3-4 days... so she's gonna have to go to my mama and daddy I guess if I have this baby this weekend...because this RSV business is deadly to newborns. :-(

and

I'm tired. The doctor put me on leave from work... in order to rest my weary bones so I can push this heathen out...and for all the rest I've gotten I might as well have worked straight through.

I just keep chanting " 2 weeks. 2 weeks"... I'm officially 2 weeks from my due date today...and if I haven't had her by then he may induce me that following Monday. Maybe not.

Lets hope she comes next week? Cuz after the week I've had...

Mama All Growed Up needs a drink.

19 days and counting...and Walmart makes me dizzy...

2010-02-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

Omigosh my dear blog how I've neglected thee...

but I've been busy incubating, mothering, working, etc... everything but cleaning. My house is a pit.

Ironically, 19 days away from my "projected" due date with kiddo number 3... my husband has fallen ill with whateverthehell bug knocked me on my ass last week...but I got doped up on antibiotics by my OB...whereas he refuses to seek medical treatment (WHY are men so stubborn?) and is currently languishing in agony in the bed...

SO here I sit. In the pit...just returned from my customary Walmart trip with the kids (I needed underwear...that fit my fat ass) and I'm contemplating why the last THREE times I've gone into that store I get dizzy.

NO lie...it's insane...somewhere between getting the milk and the compulsory "mama I'm soooooooooooo thirsty I'm gonna DIIiiiiiiiiiie Sprite" in the checkout line...I start to see spots... then the room starts to spin...and before I know it lil man and lil bit are looking at me like I'm loony tunes I seek out the nearest bench to sit down on and put my head between my legs...

Now before everyone gets all "AHHHHHHHHHHHH! You're PREGNANT" on me... I know that thank you. I also know that my blood pressure is EXCELLENT this time around, my blood sugar is PERFECT (that's right, I keep tabs) and that I had a good breakfast this morning. The one thing I forgot to do was take my prenatal vitamin, but that can be done anytime of day.

WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS OCCUR IN WALMART? Seriously...that's the part I can't fathom. It's like God is trying to tell me to quit spending my few pennies in that stupid place.

We make it to the bench, as always, and I rest a minute or two, and then we head to the car. I came home and ate a piece of fruit. Took SEVERAL swigs of Dr. Pepper (just in case it WAS my blood sugar) and hunted up a new pack of prenatals...

and I'm still wondering if I'm just allergic to the store itself. Cuz by the time I hit the drivers seat of my big bus?? I was feeling a million times better already.

A Hiatus with PURPOSE...

2009-11-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

So I was gone a week (ish?) because I've been a busy little bee. I have had FIVE job interviews in the last 7 days...2 of which resulted in...

wait for it.......

A JOB!!!! woohoo!

I turned down one for the other obviously (though I was seriously scared I wasn't going to get the one I wanted and would have to take the one with the AWFUL schedule and icky longevity prospects.) and I start MONDAY...

so this grown as woman (which is, btw, a full time job in itself) will now have A FULL TIME JOB...and I couldn't be happier.

On the home front: if I hold my boobs back? I can SEE the baby kicking now, not just feel it. Which is just odd to me. Thankfully this pregnancy is flying by and the holidays are on the way! (Last trimester is juuuuuuuust around the bend...)

My 8 year old is going to be SANTA CLAUS in the school musical next month (awwwwwwwwwww) and my bebe girl is turning into a mama's girl all of a sudden. (gets two feet from me and she wigs.the.hell.out...) so I'm hoping that's not some sign that she's getting sick.

My bestie from college will have her fabulous self in my part of the world in less than 36 hours, and I'm drinking coffee at ten pm (shhhhh. don't you DARE tell my husband or my OB) so that I can clean in prep for her arrival.

Life. is. Good.

A word to the wise:

2009-10-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

If mama ain't happy. Ain't NOBODY happy.

This is a really simple phrase that you'd think even the most dense (or in the case of children, ignorant) person could grasp.

If you piss of the person who makes your food? They might just not feed you...or fold your clothes.

I've been trying to hold down the fort as a "stay at home mom" (not something I ever saw myself doing, and I admittedly SUCK at it by all accounts.) but at least I'm TRYING dangit. I cook, I wash the clothes.

Do they all get put away pretty and neat? Well...everyone but ME gets their clothes put away pretty and neat.

Do you eat on dirty dishes? No...you may have to pull them out of the dish drain, but they are clean dangit.

Do you have to eat crap every night? NO...you get a damn good homemade meal 5 nights a week, with two nights usually reserved for leftovers because I hate wasting food.

So why is everyone in this house making me feel useless? I'm NOT June Cleaver. I'm not perfect, and I shouldn't HAVE to be. I do my best, and everyone gets taken care of.

And that should be the END of THAT discussion. (hmph)

Being Pregnant Sucks.

2009-10-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

I know there are women out there who ADORE being pregnant... who just love every minute of this blessed changing of their bodies.

I ain't one of em'.

I hated it my first baby and I'm not diggin it so much the second go round either...
Examples:

First pregnancy:

Sick. As. A. Dog. for six friggin months. Every meal, no matter what I ate. I couldn't keep down so much as a saltine. The only upside to this was that I didn't gain a disproportionate amount of weight. The down side to THAT was I was constantly being harrassed by people, doctor included...

"You should eat more, you're eating for two..."
"That baby is going to come out malnourished, you should eat more"
"You can't POSSIBLY be six months pregnant, you've LOST weight, you should eat more..."
"Don't be so vain" (@#!$%*)

Seriously spent most of the time wanting to slap people. (And for what it's worth? I GAINED weight, just not a LOT, and I definately gained a belly...and she did JUST fine...she just wouldn't let me eat a damn thing!)

This pregnancy started out DREAMLIKE by comparison. Had about a month and a half of morning sickness, where again I lost some weight, but nothing major. Doc put me on some anti-hurl meds that helped a lot.

I had some issues with my knee, but it's not the babies fault I'm arthritic. So that's that.

Then there was the month of illness...in which I could take little to nothing to make myself feel better.
(Rule number one of being pregnant: no meds unless absolutely necessary, and nothing other than tylenol at that.)

That sucked, a lot.

And now...the mystery cramping. I ended up in the hospital earlier this week because of mystery cramps, down low. Not from the baby...I was pretty sure since it was hanging out in there like a jumping bean the whole time, that the baby was just fine. But something else. Something quite painful.

Doc ordered me to the hospital. So I went.

Hospital bascially told me that since the baby was, in fact, fine, to go home and drink water and deal.

ugh Two days later, I'm still cramping, still in a lot of pain, and still have no explaination as to WHY and NO ONE CARES OR WILL DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

And I hate how people treat you like a first timer and start talking about the difference between "True Labor" and "False Labor" like you're a moron.

K...this ain't my first rodeo. Last time, I tolerated being talked down to because it was new to me and I honestly had never heard of a "braxton hicks" contraction in my LIFE...but this time?

I was WELL aware I wasn't in labor. More than aware of it...I was quite specific in my request that they a) check on the baby and b) determine what was ACTUALLY causing the pain...

and got a lecture on true labor.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

I hate being pregnant...then after we come home and I get a twenty minute lecture from my man about "taking better care of mysefl" (and blah blah blah) I've had to put up with him babysitting my water intake for the last two days (please)

and no coffee and soda is making me a real bitch.

Lets not forget the OTHER parts of being pregnant no one tells you about:

Not every pregnant woman is a horndog. In fact for most women? Sex is the absolute LAST thing on our minds. You think this sucks for us? Talk to our poor husbands. They are the ones who have to deal with moody, crampy, bloated, unhappy unhorny wives who can't even have a SODA! ugh...poor bastards.

Constipation: Really? Need I say more?
(*this is usually followed by)
Hemmroids: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Heartburn: But usually only when it comes to foods you really like...like your morning cup of joe...
Vag Issues: and there are PLENTY when you are pregnant... I won't get into details...because Lord knows I don't want to relive it here in a few weeks...

I.hate.being.pregnant.

and I want coffee. Hmph.

The REAL Weapons of Mass Destruction:

2009-10-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

In this day in age we have a lot to worry about it seems. Between ongoing wars, and all the political upheaval in this day and age...there are a lot of distractions...

and that is EXACTLY WHAT THE ENEMY WANTS....for you to be DISTRACTED... why? Because little do we know there is a war being waged in our very own homes against us...and the enemy is crafty beyond measure.

I never would have thought it...they are so cute and sweet and innocent looking. But our kids? THEY ARE THE ENEMY?

Suuuuuure....all the stuff they do often gets dismissed as "kid stuff..." but who do they think they are fooling. We are on to them.

You step on legos in the middle of the night on your way to pee, which sends you careening into the hall table and you break a lamp, where you step on the glass and cut your foot. Coincidence? Ha.

You keep finding plastic bugs in all of your shoes...(awww...how cute and funny and creative?!?!) WRONG...the kid's are trying to give you a heart attack.

And lets not forget their GREATEST WEAPON OF ALL...

Biological Warfare

They come home with any number of nasty diseases and infect the whole household...and while they are sick for MAYBE a day...you and your spouse are forced to go to work ill (having used all your sick days on your offspring...the devious little farts) and there you spread the germs to all of your co workers, and your boss, who then bring it BACK to work because they run out of sick days and infect you AGAIN, when you then bring it home to your children who spread it at school because damnit...you aren't keeping them home again! (Starting to question this H1N1 outbreak now...aren't ya?)

Kids are gross. They KNOW they are supposed to wash their hands, and use a tissue, and cover their mouths when the cough...BUT DO THEY??? DO THEY??? nope. And you can bet they won't either.

I speak from personal experience. In the last MONTH my husband and I have dealt with FOUR trips to the pediatrician. 1 trip to the general practitioner, 1 trip to the ER for me, and yet another trip to my OB since he's the only one who can actually TREAT me right now.

WHY? well let's SEE shall we:

Strep Throat (both kids, then passed on to the husband, and three weeks later I have it.)
The Evil 24 hour stomach virus (carried home from daycare by my 1 year old, who gave it to me, and landed me in the ER.)
The Common Cold (also my one year old, then the older kid, and husband and I have been sick going on three weeks now)
Upper Respiratory infection (again, the one year old, can't blow her nose...so there ya go.)
Pink Eye (somehow my husband and I ended up with this but the kids didn't? I blame the nasty kids at the pediatricians office.)

and then to top it all off?

Yesterday BOTH children got sent home from their respective daytime dwellings with 103+ fever...and NO OTHER SYMPTOMS. Both are fever free and fine this morning, all be it NOT allowed back to school until tomorrow...meanwhile my husband and I both woke up with sore throats. Again.

Still think they are sweet and innocent angels? I think NOT.

"Over Qualified"

2009-10-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

o⋅ver⋅qual⋅i⋅fied
/ˈoʊvərˈkwɒləˌfaɪd/ [oh-ver-kwol-uh-fahyd]
–adjective
having more education, training, or experience than is required for a job or position.
Origin: 1950–55; over- + qualified
Dictionary.com UnabridgedBased on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.

I've heard this word a lot lately. A long with the following phrases at the conclusion of what I thought were successful job interviews.

"I'm just concerned that you won't feel challenged."

"Don't you think you'll get bored?"

"This is such a small position for someone with a degree."

or my favorite (thank you Target, for showing me the light...)

"hahahahahaha...no really honey, WHY are you applying for a cashier job?"

I've been unemployed since March. I've filled out ...hundreds, and I mean HUNDREDS of applications. Everywhere from marketing firms to the local Walmart. I've been in sales for about 8 years in some form or fashion, and I've accumulated a pretty hefty knowledge of customer service and your basic office skills along the way. (Microsoft is my bitch yo...)

However...when applying for your basic everyday receptionist job? (There aren't a lot of positions out there in my field that don't have that ugly two phrase word "commission only" attached to them anymore...) I get told that I'll be bored and underworked and in general not be happy.

Clearly these people don't understand what being out of work for dang near a year it seems does to the average working person's pysche.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK THE JOB IS "BENEATH" MY CAPABILITIES. I need a place to go...to earn a paycheck...to feed my children... (should I break out the pictures of them next time? They are pretty darn cute...maybe smear some dirt on them?) A PAYCHECK WOULD MAKE ME VERY VERY HAPPY INDEED!!!

I don't like that phrase..."over qualified" it implies that I'm something I'm not...which is too good to do an honest days work in a blue collar field to bring home some bacon for my babies. I grew up in a blue collar household. My mama worked at Kmart until she earned her teaching certificate and my daddy was a plant hand and car salesman. Your every day average American family just trying to get by.

And then there are the jobs that I apply for just "to see." The jobs I honestly haven't a hope and a prayer of getting because they are WAY beyond my capabilities (I'm sooo not qualified to be a social worker.) THESE are the jobs I actually get interviews for??? Are ya kidding me? I don't have a PH D! I don't even have a graduate degree! Hell, my MAJOR was THEATRE!!! I'm trying to figure out how that in anyway makes me qualified to teach college mathematics!?!? (I'm not even allowed to help my 8 year old with his math homework!!!)

The job market is a funny place indeed and I'm channeling Dory from Nemo just about daily ("just keep swimming") but DAYUM!!!!

I just think that hiring someone who MIGHT be "over qualified" for a position to say, answer your telephones, or ring up peoples purchases...someone with ten years of customer service experience who knows how to talk to folks and is pretty good with computers (and has a REASON to get up to go to work everyday, great availibity, and a tendency to only call in sick when her children are running 106 fever...) would be a much better investment of company funds than a college kid who is gonna call in sick every third hangover and is rude to your customers?

But that's just me.

Pyrex isn't indestructible and neither is the washing machine...

2009-10-13T14:06:00.001-07:00

Family:

Note the following: Mama Allgrowedup is outta work. This means money is tight...so we need to quit destroying things.

Hubs: If you INSIST on reheating tamales in my pyrex (wha? the microwave was just too much to figure out?) Do not then replace the lid on the pyrex and place it in the Dish Drain (dish drain: can be defined as a device used to drain dishes POST WASHING) without AT LEAST RINSING IT. Pyrex is expensive. And I use it a lot... a whole lot... to make just about all of the yummy dishes you hold so near and dear. So when I discover your latest biology project in my favorite Pyrex dish this morning (Ya'll know...the big long rectangular one you can fit a whole dang turkey in if you want...yea...that one) I cussed you. A lot.

Son: The following do not go in your cargo pants pockets...because they do not go in my washing machine.

Matchbox Cars
Crayons
Sucker Sticks
A wadded up baby wipe that looks like you shat in it personally (umm...ew?)

Our washing machine now keeps throwing itself out of balance for reasons that are BEYOND me (probably a wayward lego stuck in the agitator...oye...)

These things cost money.

Not to mention...I could spend a lot more time COOKING and actually DOING laundry if I wasn't going to hazmat training to wash the dishes and taking that online washing machine repair course...

Daughter:

You are small, and you are cute. And while Mama allgrowedup realizes she hasn't worn that pair of pricey heels in a veeeeeeeery long time? She'd just as soon not have to replace them because you discovered that your brother left the permanent markers within your tiny little grasp. Again.

Now returning you to your regularly scheduled programming:

Meat loaf NOT made in Pyrex... it's whats for dinner.

What DO you do all day wife?

2009-10-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how funny I find this question when my husband returns home from a hard day at work. (And he does indeed, work quite hard.)

I've tried explaining it to him in many a way...but it's just one of those things that if you don't experience it first hand? You just don't KNOW.

Well a few weeks back the ole' hubster came down ill. (It happens...even super man has his cryptonite, or in this case...the common cold with a bit of strep) He was stranded at the house with me and the smallest one for three whole days.

Let me preface this with this: I'm a really really CRAPPY housewife. I hate housework...with an absolute passion. I'd honestly do just about anything to get out of it but when you are the only one of the four people in your home who

a) knows where the trash can is (apparently)

b) knows how to wash a dish (apparently)

c) can find the hamper (no really boys...it's there...just inside the garage door...NOT in the middle of the living room k?, thanks!)

You are really S.O.L. (That's shit outta luck for those of you who missed my attempt to keep this clean ;-)

So I do my best. But then there is my shadow.

My shadow is about 28 inches tall...really precious little brunette who toddles after me demanding lots of attention and time. This is when she's not racing at warp speed in the other direction from me getting into who knows what in her brothers room, or the bathroom, or the dvd shelves...or emerging from my makeup cabinet covered in whodathunk... My shadow is a mischevious little bit of a thing (we shall call her lil bit) and Lit Bit is T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

Well my shadow gave her Daddy a good run for his money when he was under the weather...

Does the shadow care that Daddy has the sniffles and the sneezes? Uh uh... "Dada dada dada dada" (shadow races at warp speed into the side of a coffee table...) "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

And as I explained to that loving man of mine...the shadow does not care if Mama has dishes to wash, or laundry to fold...or heaven forbid a floor to mop or dinner to cook...the shadow knows two speeds and two speeds only... light speed, and dead stop. Only when Lil Bit comes to a dead stop does the Mama get anything accomplished...and that happens approximately once a day for less than an hour.

So what DO I do all day husband? I run...for my life...either towards or away from my Shadow... I cover the 1,100 square feet in this house at LEAST two hundred times before noon...and hope for a "dead stop" (that's nap time) so that I can throw something a crock pot and have the privelage of washing your underwear. :-)

There was a beginning...

2009-10-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

I've kicked around the idea of starting a blog for a long time now, and figured "What tha hey..." and decided to go for it.

I'm currently one of the nations many "laid off and looking," I have two amazing kids (8 year old step son, One year old daughter) and a third on the way. And NO...my husband and I aren't shooting for our own reality show. (Amazing how many people assume that when you tell them you plan on having a boat load of chirrens...I have to justify that eight passenger gas guzzler somehow ya know!)

I'm a simple small town girl with big dreams and a good life, and I've learned a lot of lessons on the way to what I have determined is my new status..."a grown up..."

The inspiration for the blog title comes from my Daddy, so I'll give credit where credit is due. I've heard him tell my brother that "Being a grown man ain't a part time job..." many a time...and I've often thought how funny it is that it applies to being a grown up in general.

So stick around and enjoy my crazy ramblings. Feel free to comment if you like.

Enjoy!